Bruised

(One more day to beta...)

I've been on Lovenox (blood thinner like heparin) since retrieval. It causes awful bruising. With good technique*, you can often avoid bad bruises, but it's not 100%.

Right now I have a 2 inch by 2 inch deep purple, tender, bruise on the right side of my tummy. And I find it horrifying, in a way that transcends logic. I mean, bruises are unpleasant in and of themselves, but my reaction to them definitely goes beyond. So I've been thinking about it a lot.

I think these bad bruises horrify me because they're a physical manifestation of everything I'm putting my body through. Most of what IVF involves is hidden: The shots, the monitoring appointments, the crazy side effects from all the hormones, the pills, the stress of waiting, the sadness of IF, the financial implications...

But bruises and scars (I have some from my laparoscopy in August '09) show, and remind me that I'm going through some pretty horrendous stuff in an effort to get the baby that we want so badly.

I just keep reminding myself that bruises and scars do fade, and that this too shall pass.



*Best technique I've found is to ice, then inject over 10-15 seconds, then leave the needle in for 10 seconds, then remove, gently press gauze for 10 seconds, then ice for about a minute. And if you do bruise, arnica gel is the only thing that will help the bruises fade faster (I get mine at Whole Foods).