It's been nearly 2 years since I posted. C is five and a half, and R is two and a half. We now have a daughter, T, who was born in January!
As I mentioned in the last post, we did a third donor cycle when R was born, and it resulted in 2 genetically normal XX embryos. We were able to work with the same gestational surrogate that helped us have R, which made things pretty straightforward. We transferred the first one early in 2017 and it didn't work. We transferred the second one, knowing it was our last transfer ever (thank goodness!) and really being at peace with either outcome. Either it would work, and we'd have a daughter (amazing!) or it wouldn't work and we could get rid of all the baby stuff, and be nearly done with diapers, and sleep through the night, and travel (also great!) And it worked.
T was breech, and an external version wasn't successful in turning her, so she was born via c-section. DH and I were able to be in the operating room (I didn't watch), so I've now given birth to one baby, watched one baby be born vaginally (and held him while the umbilical cord was still attached), and not-watched one baby be born via c-section. She was born around 9am, and we left the hospital midday the following day (same hospital as R - he was born around 2am and we left about 18 hours later!)
I induced lactation again, which meant I had more than enough supply when she was born (we had 9 poopy diapers the first day in the hospital, which the nurses had never seen) but not enough to keep going. With R I exclusively pumped for 6 months and hated it, so I knew I wasn't going to do that. So I nursed for about two weeks and our surrogate sent us milk for about 3 months, and we're using really good European formula (Lebenswert Bio if you're curious - with international shipping it works out to $15/box which makes about 108 ounces.
T is doing great. She's sleeping through the night as of about two weeks ago, and so the clouds have parted and the blue skies have come out. Her brothers adore her.
It's a huge relief to be done with more than 10 years of family building. I'm so grateful that we had the resources and the stamina to get to this point. Our kids are amazing.
I decided for National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) this year to share that we used an egg donor to build our family. I had kept that private, outside of immediate family, but I'm so open about everything else - miscarriages, infertility, surrogacy - that it felt awkward to not be open about that too. Lauren - thanks for the wonderful example to follow!
I'm rarely on twitter these days, and even less on blogs. Both were so important for my sanity over the years of infertility struggles - thank you for being my community. Now I spend most of my infertility-related time supporting friends and friends-of-friends who need perspective or advice. And I donate to RESOLVE, and post publicly about our experiences.
Love to you all.
My husband and I started trying to have a baby in 2007. We ended up doing 5 rounds of IVF with our own eggs, miscarrying twice due to chromosomal abnormalities, and then moved to donor eggs. Our son was born in 2012. After two unexplained miscarriages trying for a sibling, we found a gestational surrogate, who carried our second son (2015) and our daughter (2018).
Tuesday, May 29, 2018
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
R turns 1!
My last post was when R was born. His first birthday was two weeks ago - time flies! He's doing great - started walking at 10.5 months (had to keep up with big brother C, who turns 4 in December). He's very attached to me right now - cries when I leave the room, etc. It's hard on DH since he was arguably the primary caregiver when R was a newborn (C was really needy), but we know this will pass. He's so much more fun at a year - he's not as good at communicating as C was (and I spent more one-on-one time with C), but it's improving every day. I'm one of those people who would skip the first year if I could - I enjoy my kids way more when they can walk and talk.
I ended up not having enough milk supply to nurse, so I pumped and got enough for a bottle a day, with two pumps a day, and we used good organic formula from Europe for the rest. For the first 5 months my surrogate also sent us milk, so two bottles a day were breastmilk and the rest was formula. I stopped pumping at six months. In hindsight if I hadn't gotten the flu right before R was born I think I would have had enough supply for him. And regardless, it was definitely good for bonding. Bonding was rough for the first three months, but then it smoothed out. (Oddly, he didn't smell good to me for those first few months, which I'm sure is hormonal.)
I'm going back to work full-time in a week - I haven't worked full-time since the end of 2009, when I quit right before starting IVF. I'm excited - it's a great job, and I'm ready. We have an awesome nanny, which is a big part of what makes this change possible.
We've also started talking about doing another journey. Last fall, right around the time R was born, we did a third cycle with our egg donor and ended up with 2 normal female embryos. We're talking about doing a transfer in March - our surrogate is willing to do another journey with us, which is awesome and makes a lot of the logistics easier. I have a call with our RE at the end of the month, and am starting the lawyer process for the contracts. So we have two chances - gives us good odds, but no guarantees. It's overwhelming to think about going through the baby stage again, but we figure the sooner the better.
Life is good! Hope you're well!
I ended up not having enough milk supply to nurse, so I pumped and got enough for a bottle a day, with two pumps a day, and we used good organic formula from Europe for the rest. For the first 5 months my surrogate also sent us milk, so two bottles a day were breastmilk and the rest was formula. I stopped pumping at six months. In hindsight if I hadn't gotten the flu right before R was born I think I would have had enough supply for him. And regardless, it was definitely good for bonding. Bonding was rough for the first three months, but then it smoothed out. (Oddly, he didn't smell good to me for those first few months, which I'm sure is hormonal.)
I'm going back to work full-time in a week - I haven't worked full-time since the end of 2009, when I quit right before starting IVF. I'm excited - it's a great job, and I'm ready. We have an awesome nanny, which is a big part of what makes this change possible.
We've also started talking about doing another journey. Last fall, right around the time R was born, we did a third cycle with our egg donor and ended up with 2 normal female embryos. We're talking about doing a transfer in March - our surrogate is willing to do another journey with us, which is awesome and makes a lot of the logistics easier. I have a call with our RE at the end of the month, and am starting the lawyer process for the contracts. So we have two chances - gives us good odds, but no guarantees. It's overwhelming to think about going through the baby stage again, but we figure the sooner the better.
Life is good! Hope you're well!
Friday, October 30, 2015
Sorry it's taken so long... He's here!
Apologies for the two week delay...
Baby R was born on Thursday, October 15!
Our surrogate had a midwife appointment on Wednesday, October 14 and she was 3cm dilated and her bag of waters was very low, so her midwife sent her to labor and delivery and broke her bag of waters. This gave us time to drive up (about a 90 minute drive, with no traffic) and then hang out with her and her husband for about 12 hours until she was fully dilated. Once she was fully dilated, he was out in two pushes (less than 10 minutes after full dilation!)
The hospital was amazing - all the nurses were informed about the surrogacy and really excited for us. They were universally excited that I had induced lactation. And we were discharged 18 hours after R was born. (Our surrogate was discharged the next day.)
I was given R as soon as he was delivered, and held him while the cord stopped pulsing. Once it was cut, I nursed him while our surrogate delivered the placenta and got a few stitches. About 45 minutes later, DH gave him a bath and the baby nurse took his measurements.
My milk supply never got great - being horribly sick for two weeks before R was born definitely hurt me. But I was able to feed him exclusively my milk for the first week (fresh + frozen stash) and now he's on a mix of my milk (both direct and pumped), generously shared milk from a friend (thanks, Jamie!), pumped milk from my surrogate, and fancy organic formula from Europe. We're doing as much breastmilk as possible for as long as possible, and supplement with formula as needed.
One perk to using a bottle immediately is that DH has been able to be incredibly helpful. He's done more feeds and changed more diapers than I have, since our preschooler C is very attached to me. C is very sweet with R - gives him little kisses on the head and exclaims over his tiny fingers and toes and nose, but spent a few days asking for cuddles every time I nursed. That seems to have passed, and in fact C was 'feeding his bunny' yesterday by laying his stuffed animal rabbit in his lap and pulling his shirt up (and telling the rabbit not to bite). Lol!
We had our two week pediatrician appointment today and all looks good. We were back above birth weight a week after his was born (it helped that I had milk immediately), but his days and nights are switched so even though we don't have to wake him up at night to feed him, he wakes up pretty frequently on his own. I'm looking forward to days and nights sorting themselves out - he sleeps like a champ during the day. :)
Bonding has been different than with C. DH is madly in love, but I don't have those strong feelings yet. I think it'll change more dramatically when he can connect with me and react to my presence. It's odd to be able to compare the two experiences. I will say that it's a heck of a lot easier to manage a newborn and the related sleep deprivation when you don't have a physical recovery to get through. Silver linings!
Baby R was born on Thursday, October 15!
Our surrogate had a midwife appointment on Wednesday, October 14 and she was 3cm dilated and her bag of waters was very low, so her midwife sent her to labor and delivery and broke her bag of waters. This gave us time to drive up (about a 90 minute drive, with no traffic) and then hang out with her and her husband for about 12 hours until she was fully dilated. Once she was fully dilated, he was out in two pushes (less than 10 minutes after full dilation!)
The hospital was amazing - all the nurses were informed about the surrogacy and really excited for us. They were universally excited that I had induced lactation. And we were discharged 18 hours after R was born. (Our surrogate was discharged the next day.)
I was given R as soon as he was delivered, and held him while the cord stopped pulsing. Once it was cut, I nursed him while our surrogate delivered the placenta and got a few stitches. About 45 minutes later, DH gave him a bath and the baby nurse took his measurements.
My milk supply never got great - being horribly sick for two weeks before R was born definitely hurt me. But I was able to feed him exclusively my milk for the first week (fresh + frozen stash) and now he's on a mix of my milk (both direct and pumped), generously shared milk from a friend (thanks, Jamie!), pumped milk from my surrogate, and fancy organic formula from Europe. We're doing as much breastmilk as possible for as long as possible, and supplement with formula as needed.
One perk to using a bottle immediately is that DH has been able to be incredibly helpful. He's done more feeds and changed more diapers than I have, since our preschooler C is very attached to me. C is very sweet with R - gives him little kisses on the head and exclaims over his tiny fingers and toes and nose, but spent a few days asking for cuddles every time I nursed. That seems to have passed, and in fact C was 'feeding his bunny' yesterday by laying his stuffed animal rabbit in his lap and pulling his shirt up (and telling the rabbit not to bite). Lol!
We had our two week pediatrician appointment today and all looks good. We were back above birth weight a week after his was born (it helped that I had milk immediately), but his days and nights are switched so even though we don't have to wake him up at night to feed him, he wakes up pretty frequently on his own. I'm looking forward to days and nights sorting themselves out - he sleeps like a champ during the day. :)
Bonding has been different than with C. DH is madly in love, but I don't have those strong feelings yet. I think it'll change more dramatically when he can connect with me and react to my presence. It's odd to be able to compare the two experiences. I will say that it's a heck of a lot easier to manage a newborn and the related sleep deprivation when you don't have a physical recovery to get through. Silver linings!
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
38 weeks!
Our surrogate is 38 weeks today. Crazy!
Her midwife thinks 39 weeks is more likely than 40. Her body is definitely getting ready. It's a little stressful knowing we could get a call at any time now. My MIL is going to take care of C - we'll either have her come to our house, or rendezvous at my SIL's house (on our way to the hospital, and a quicker drive for my MIL) depending on time of day/urgency.
We've packed hospital bags for us and the baby, and have our (signed!) legal paperwork for the birth certificate.
I had a baby shower that involved a chocolate tasting with alcohol pairings, and no gifts. It was awesome and exactly what I wanted (thanks, SIL!)
I started pumping at the beginning of September, and immediately had milk. However my supply hasn't increased very much, in large part because I've been horribly sick for the past 10 days with a cold/flu. I'm on the mend, and hoping it manifests in my milk supply. But I definitely feel there's more milk than the pump is getting out, and babies are better than pumps. So I'm holding out hope that the baby will stimulate my production (I get about 1/3 of an ounce per pump right now, and I'm pumping 8 times every 24 hours - this of course has made it harder to recover from being horribly sick). Just in case I ordered super high quality organic formula from Europe, figuring if I need the backup, I want the best formula I can get. I also have a super generous friend (hi JM!) who has offered me some of her milk stash, and our surrogate is also willing to pump if needed. So there will be good options, but it would sure be nice if my body would cooperate. I'm on domperidone, moringa, fenugreek, goat's rue, and blessed thistle, and am eating lots of oats.
Really surreal that we're about to have a newborn. I've been going through all my video of C in preparation for sending it off to be made into a highlights video, and it's been fascinating to see how much he's changed, and to remember when he hit certain milestones.
We're going to be moving early next year, so the new nursery isn't really decorated, and still has my computer and printer in the room (we did get our Comcast router moved into a different room at least). C is excited about the baby, but has also been extra clingy and needy. Typical sibling stuff. It's cute - he'll pretend to change a diaper on a stuffed animal, or put a book he doesn't want anymore in his baby brother's room. He also periodically says he's my baby, so there's lots of processing going on in his head. Preschool has been going pretty well, so hopefully that routine will be helpful in the early days.
Good luck to J as she welcomes her #2 this week!
Her midwife thinks 39 weeks is more likely than 40. Her body is definitely getting ready. It's a little stressful knowing we could get a call at any time now. My MIL is going to take care of C - we'll either have her come to our house, or rendezvous at my SIL's house (on our way to the hospital, and a quicker drive for my MIL) depending on time of day/urgency.
We've packed hospital bags for us and the baby, and have our (signed!) legal paperwork for the birth certificate.
I had a baby shower that involved a chocolate tasting with alcohol pairings, and no gifts. It was awesome and exactly what I wanted (thanks, SIL!)
I started pumping at the beginning of September, and immediately had milk. However my supply hasn't increased very much, in large part because I've been horribly sick for the past 10 days with a cold/flu. I'm on the mend, and hoping it manifests in my milk supply. But I definitely feel there's more milk than the pump is getting out, and babies are better than pumps. So I'm holding out hope that the baby will stimulate my production (I get about 1/3 of an ounce per pump right now, and I'm pumping 8 times every 24 hours - this of course has made it harder to recover from being horribly sick). Just in case I ordered super high quality organic formula from Europe, figuring if I need the backup, I want the best formula I can get. I also have a super generous friend (hi JM!) who has offered me some of her milk stash, and our surrogate is also willing to pump if needed. So there will be good options, but it would sure be nice if my body would cooperate. I'm on domperidone, moringa, fenugreek, goat's rue, and blessed thistle, and am eating lots of oats.
Really surreal that we're about to have a newborn. I've been going through all my video of C in preparation for sending it off to be made into a highlights video, and it's been fascinating to see how much he's changed, and to remember when he hit certain milestones.
We're going to be moving early next year, so the new nursery isn't really decorated, and still has my computer and printer in the room (we did get our Comcast router moved into a different room at least). C is excited about the baby, but has also been extra clingy and needy. Typical sibling stuff. It's cute - he'll pretend to change a diaper on a stuffed animal, or put a book he doesn't want anymore in his baby brother's room. He also periodically says he's my baby, so there's lots of processing going on in his head. Preschool has been going pretty well, so hopefully that routine will be helpful in the early days.
Good luck to J as she welcomes her #2 this week!
Monday, June 8, 2015
Half way!
Not many people read this blog anymore, but a few do (hi, J!) so I wanted to update...
Even though I don't believe it's accurate to say 20 weeks is halfway through a pregnancy (since transfer is just before 3 weeks in), we have hit that milestone! In fact, we're 21 weeks tomorrow.
We had our anatomy scan a week ago and everything looks great. Our surrogate is feeling good, and hasn't had any issues.
I'm in my third month of taking the pill, in preparation for inducing lactation. I'll start pumping in September, about 6 weeks before the baby is due. In late May, I realized it was 5 months to the baby, and 3 months until I start pumping., which feel like a long time. But with a surrogate, the time passes quickly, and we have a busy summer ahead.
DH and I took a nice trip to Europe, without C, and it was nice to be able to drink wine. (I have to take those silver linings wherever I can, man...) It'll be our last trip solo for quite awhile, though we have travel plans with C this summer.
And now we wait!
Even though I don't believe it's accurate to say 20 weeks is halfway through a pregnancy (since transfer is just before 3 weeks in), we have hit that milestone! In fact, we're 21 weeks tomorrow.
We had our anatomy scan a week ago and everything looks great. Our surrogate is feeling good, and hasn't had any issues.
I'm in my third month of taking the pill, in preparation for inducing lactation. I'll start pumping in September, about 6 weeks before the baby is due. In late May, I realized it was 5 months to the baby, and 3 months until I start pumping., which feel like a long time. But with a surrogate, the time passes quickly, and we have a busy summer ahead.
DH and I took a nice trip to Europe, without C, and it was nice to be able to drink wine. (I have to take those silver linings wherever I can, man...) It'll be our last trip solo for quite awhile, though we have travel plans with C this summer.
And now we wait!
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Empathy
If you read my last update in November, you might remember the "however"...
Yesterday, DH and I drove two hours to the office of an ob I'd never met before to see an ultrasound of a perfect embryo with a perfect heartbeat. Our surrogate is pregnant. Our due date is October 20.
We transferred a single embryo on February 2. 9 days after the 6 day transfer, her beta was 234 (she'd POAS the afternoon before and got a good line, and had a crazy strong line the morning of the beta). Betas have been climbing appropriately and she's been nauseous and tired. But it was still nerve-wracking to be in the room holding my breath for the ob to get a clear ultrasound picture.
There's no reason to believe there will be any problems, and every reason to believe we'll have smooth sailing, but almost 8 years of dealing with infertility and 2 miscarriages for unknown reasons have a way of keeping us unsettled. Once we get through the NT scan, I think I'll be less on edge and more willing to truly believe we'll have a baby this year.
I have a lot of empathy for my husband, and husbands generally. I really feel like I understand what it's like to be the husband: I know intellectually that we're expecting, but it's completely abstract and will be for quite awhile.
It's hard not to tell everyone - we previously decided to wait until the NT scan to tell our families and so far are sticking to that. A handful of people in real life know, but it's awfully nice to be able to share the news and updates on twitter (and here, though I don't expect I'll be blogging all that regularly about it). I experimented today with telling strangers that we're expecting a baby via surrogacy, and it was oddly fun. Lots of curious questions, but the reaction is generally positive and enthusiastic. The only awkward part about telling our families will be that both my mother and my MIL offered to be our surrogate when we were trying to have C (and didn't need a surrogate), so that may lead to some interesting comments/conversations (they're both in their late 60's, so easy to just refer to medical advice.) And I can only imagine my grandmother's reaction (she doesn't filter, and she's religious, anti-doctor, etc.) so we'll be waiting awhile for that one.
I'm planning to induce lactation, and will be starting that process pretty soon. I have my yearly mammogram this week, and my annual exam in April, but will talk to my lactation consultant about getting on the pill soon (I'll likely be following the Newman-Goldfarb protocol since I have plenty of advance notice.)
Time is passing very quickly. Life is busy - C turned 2 in December and is a marvelous creature. He's incredibly verbal, loves to sing and dance (his particular favorite for dancing is what he calls "The Jump Song", which the rest of us know as "The Lion Sleeps Tonight", and his favorite for singing is "Two Little Kitty Cats" which he learned at Music Together, though he's mostly memorized "Do-Re-Mi" from the Sound of Music), is funny and stubborn and loving and will ask to read books all day long (mostly about construction equipment). I can't wait to find out what his brother will be like.
Yesterday, DH and I drove two hours to the office of an ob I'd never met before to see an ultrasound of a perfect embryo with a perfect heartbeat. Our surrogate is pregnant. Our due date is October 20.
We transferred a single embryo on February 2. 9 days after the 6 day transfer, her beta was 234 (she'd POAS the afternoon before and got a good line, and had a crazy strong line the morning of the beta). Betas have been climbing appropriately and she's been nauseous and tired. But it was still nerve-wracking to be in the room holding my breath for the ob to get a clear ultrasound picture.
There's no reason to believe there will be any problems, and every reason to believe we'll have smooth sailing, but almost 8 years of dealing with infertility and 2 miscarriages for unknown reasons have a way of keeping us unsettled. Once we get through the NT scan, I think I'll be less on edge and more willing to truly believe we'll have a baby this year.
I have a lot of empathy for my husband, and husbands generally. I really feel like I understand what it's like to be the husband: I know intellectually that we're expecting, but it's completely abstract and will be for quite awhile.
It's hard not to tell everyone - we previously decided to wait until the NT scan to tell our families and so far are sticking to that. A handful of people in real life know, but it's awfully nice to be able to share the news and updates on twitter (and here, though I don't expect I'll be blogging all that regularly about it). I experimented today with telling strangers that we're expecting a baby via surrogacy, and it was oddly fun. Lots of curious questions, but the reaction is generally positive and enthusiastic. The only awkward part about telling our families will be that both my mother and my MIL offered to be our surrogate when we were trying to have C (and didn't need a surrogate), so that may lead to some interesting comments/conversations (they're both in their late 60's, so easy to just refer to medical advice.) And I can only imagine my grandmother's reaction (she doesn't filter, and she's religious, anti-doctor, etc.) so we'll be waiting awhile for that one.
I'm planning to induce lactation, and will be starting that process pretty soon. I have my yearly mammogram this week, and my annual exam in April, but will talk to my lactation consultant about getting on the pill soon (I'll likely be following the Newman-Goldfarb protocol since I have plenty of advance notice.)
Time is passing very quickly. Life is busy - C turned 2 in December and is a marvelous creature. He's incredibly verbal, loves to sing and dance (his particular favorite for dancing is what he calls "The Jump Song", which the rest of us know as "The Lion Sleeps Tonight", and his favorite for singing is "Two Little Kitty Cats" which he learned at Music Together, though he's mostly memorized "Do-Re-Mi" from the Sound of Music), is funny and stubborn and loving and will ask to read books all day long (mostly about construction equipment). I can't wait to find out what his brother will be like.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Books about egg donation
I've wanted to do this post since 2012 when we found our egg donor and I started collecting children's books about egg donation. I have a similar post with books about surrogacy in the works, and in fact started collecting those books at the time same based on a conversation with a psychologist (required by my clinic) who suggested having an array of books about different ways families are made, not just egg donation. So include books about adoption, surrogacy, sperm donor, egg donor, two dads, two moms, etc. to illustrate all the ways people build families.
This post starts with the egg donation books, but I'm also including some more general assisted reproduction books at the bottom.
Mommy, Was Your Tummy Big
Recommended. Hardcover. Boy baby. This is my favorite of the egg donation books. The language is simple and straightforward. It addresses the sadness of not being able to have a baby. The donor is referred to as a "special lady (a donor)" initially, and then as the "donor" later. It talks about "Daddy's cells together with the donor's egg". It doesn't explain uterus vs. tummy, and uses 'tummy' or 'body' throughout. The illustrations are simple but cute. It's not at all religious. My son asks for this book.
A Part was Given and an Angel was Born
Hardcover. Girl baby. The rhyming is overly cute and a little strained, but works well enough for reading aloud. The illustrations are cartoony. The story addresses the sadness of not having a baby. The book refers to the baby being in the tummy and is not at all specific about what's getting donated; "there was a part in Mommy that just didn't work as it should." The illustrations that go with the "part" section are likely to be confusing to an older child - one has a Classifieds page in the newspaper with "parts for sale: Auto, Body, Baby, Home" and another shows a box of "spare parts" that has safety pins, screws and nuts. Despite the title, and a later reference to 'angel', the book is not at all religious. There is a blank page at the back labeled "to baby" if you wish to add personal notes. It's not my favorite book, but I keep it in the rotation.
How We Became a Family (Egg Donor, Singleton version)
Recommended. Hardcover. Baby is not gender-specific.The illustrations are much more conceptual than in other books and less kid-friendly/more sophisticated. The couple is portrayed as two birds. One thing I like is the book describes the couple as a family of two, and that they wanted to grow to be a family with children. It addresses that they were sad about not being able to have a baby. The book is factual about baby-making requiring "an egg, seeds (sperm), and a nest (uterus)" and the illustrations show the correct anatomical terms (in small type so it's easy to skip or not, depending on your preference and the age of your child, and these illustrations show people, not birds). The book talks about sperm donors and egg donors and defines them as "people who want to help other people build families". There's one page that talks about the egg being fertilized and defines "zygote" and "embryo". Not at all religious. It's a sweet book, but the illustration style and the detail in the text suggest it's better for an older child. There is a blank page to fill in birth details.
One More Giraffe
Baby is a giraffe, so not gender specific. I have an earlier version of this book (softcover instead of a board book) so I will update this review when the new version arrives. This book is very simple. It defines a family as including children. It addresses the sadness of not being able to have a baby. It's very general about the donor: "a kind lady giraffe who wanted to help them. She gave them a very special gift." The gift is shown as a wrapped box with a ribbon, and the text explains that a doctor helped them with the gift. It's such a simple book that it barely introduces the concept of a donor, so I wouldn't recommend it as an only purchase. It could be a good companion for a more detailed book for a very young child. Not religious at all.
The Pea That Was Me (An Egg Donation Story)
Softcover. Baby is not gender specific. This book is straightforward about eggs + sperm, which is sort of funny since the baby is shown as a pea in a peapod, and the embryo is described as a pea (the word 'embryo' is not used). It also refers to the baby growing inside of mommy's tummy. The book doesn't use the term 'donor' and instead refers to 'a very kind lady who had lots of extra eggs. There is a blank page in the back to fill in with the baby's story. The illustrations are crude but cute, and the tone of the text is cute (if you're ok with an embryo being referred to as a pea). Not religious at all.
A Tiny Itsy Bitsy Gift of Life (An Egg Donor Story)
Softcover. Baby is a girl named Nicasha (and she's a rabbit. :) This book talks about tiny itsy bitsy seeds from the mummy and daddy. The donor is referred to as "a lady rabbit" who has "lots of tiny itsy bitsy seeds". It talks about putting the seeds in the mother's tummy so they can grow. Doctors are never mentioned. I find this book strange - it talks about putting the two seeds together to make a baby bunny, like a cookie where two halves make one, which makes no sense. It does address the sadness about not being able to have a baby.
Books about ART
Recipes of How Babies are Made
Recommended. Softcover. This book compares babies to cakes - that with ingredients + a place to bake, you can get a baby similarly to how you get a cake. It talks about egg and sperm, which go in a woman's tummy. It later describes a woman's tummy as a womb, which may be a problem if you're trying to be precise with anatomy for your child. The illustrations are realistic but not graphic, although there is full frontal nudity. The book then steps through what happens if an ingredient is missing and what the variations are: natural conception, in vitro, sperm donation, egg donation, embryo donation, surrogacy, and adoption. It does address sadness about not being able to have a baby. There's also a page about families being different, referring to varying numbers of kids (or no kids), divorce/remarriage, one parent/two parents, etc. The illustrations are cute and the text is straightforward and educational.
I loVe my Family (a book about assisted conception for young children)
Softcover. This book focuses on IVF. It talks about putting an ovum together with a sperm and forming a "super cell" called an embryo which gets put in a uterus. There are some guidelines for parents about how to talk to children about their conception, and also some suggestions for how to use the book to discuss egg/sperm donation or surrogacy. There are some coloring pages in the back with some discussion tips on love, hope, wishes, and family. The illustrations are crude, and don't follow one family through the book, but rather show a variety of couples and kids of various ethnicities. Not at all religious.
If you have suggestions for other books that I should review, please leave a comment.
This post starts with the egg donation books, but I'm also including some more general assisted reproduction books at the bottom.
Mommy, Was Your Tummy Big
Recommended. Hardcover. Boy baby. This is my favorite of the egg donation books. The language is simple and straightforward. It addresses the sadness of not being able to have a baby. The donor is referred to as a "special lady (a donor)" initially, and then as the "donor" later. It talks about "Daddy's cells together with the donor's egg". It doesn't explain uterus vs. tummy, and uses 'tummy' or 'body' throughout. The illustrations are simple but cute. It's not at all religious. My son asks for this book.
A Part was Given and an Angel was Born
Hardcover. Girl baby. The rhyming is overly cute and a little strained, but works well enough for reading aloud. The illustrations are cartoony. The story addresses the sadness of not having a baby. The book refers to the baby being in the tummy and is not at all specific about what's getting donated; "there was a part in Mommy that just didn't work as it should." The illustrations that go with the "part" section are likely to be confusing to an older child - one has a Classifieds page in the newspaper with "parts for sale: Auto, Body, Baby, Home" and another shows a box of "spare parts" that has safety pins, screws and nuts. Despite the title, and a later reference to 'angel', the book is not at all religious. There is a blank page at the back labeled "to baby" if you wish to add personal notes. It's not my favorite book, but I keep it in the rotation.
How We Became a Family (Egg Donor, Singleton version)
Recommended. Hardcover. Baby is not gender-specific.The illustrations are much more conceptual than in other books and less kid-friendly/more sophisticated. The couple is portrayed as two birds. One thing I like is the book describes the couple as a family of two, and that they wanted to grow to be a family with children. It addresses that they were sad about not being able to have a baby. The book is factual about baby-making requiring "an egg, seeds (sperm), and a nest (uterus)" and the illustrations show the correct anatomical terms (in small type so it's easy to skip or not, depending on your preference and the age of your child, and these illustrations show people, not birds). The book talks about sperm donors and egg donors and defines them as "people who want to help other people build families". There's one page that talks about the egg being fertilized and defines "zygote" and "embryo". Not at all religious. It's a sweet book, but the illustration style and the detail in the text suggest it's better for an older child. There is a blank page to fill in birth details.
One More Giraffe
Baby is a giraffe, so not gender specific. I have an earlier version of this book (softcover instead of a board book) so I will update this review when the new version arrives. This book is very simple. It defines a family as including children. It addresses the sadness of not being able to have a baby. It's very general about the donor: "a kind lady giraffe who wanted to help them. She gave them a very special gift." The gift is shown as a wrapped box with a ribbon, and the text explains that a doctor helped them with the gift. It's such a simple book that it barely introduces the concept of a donor, so I wouldn't recommend it as an only purchase. It could be a good companion for a more detailed book for a very young child. Not religious at all.
The Pea That Was Me (An Egg Donation Story)
Softcover. Baby is not gender specific. This book is straightforward about eggs + sperm, which is sort of funny since the baby is shown as a pea in a peapod, and the embryo is described as a pea (the word 'embryo' is not used). It also refers to the baby growing inside of mommy's tummy. The book doesn't use the term 'donor' and instead refers to 'a very kind lady who had lots of extra eggs. There is a blank page in the back to fill in with the baby's story. The illustrations are crude but cute, and the tone of the text is cute (if you're ok with an embryo being referred to as a pea). Not religious at all.
A Tiny Itsy Bitsy Gift of Life (An Egg Donor Story)
Softcover. Baby is a girl named Nicasha (and she's a rabbit. :) This book talks about tiny itsy bitsy seeds from the mummy and daddy. The donor is referred to as "a lady rabbit" who has "lots of tiny itsy bitsy seeds". It talks about putting the seeds in the mother's tummy so they can grow. Doctors are never mentioned. I find this book strange - it talks about putting the two seeds together to make a baby bunny, like a cookie where two halves make one, which makes no sense. It does address the sadness about not being able to have a baby.
Books about ART
Recipes of How Babies are Made
Recommended. Softcover. This book compares babies to cakes - that with ingredients + a place to bake, you can get a baby similarly to how you get a cake. It talks about egg and sperm, which go in a woman's tummy. It later describes a woman's tummy as a womb, which may be a problem if you're trying to be precise with anatomy for your child. The illustrations are realistic but not graphic, although there is full frontal nudity. The book then steps through what happens if an ingredient is missing and what the variations are: natural conception, in vitro, sperm donation, egg donation, embryo donation, surrogacy, and adoption. It does address sadness about not being able to have a baby. There's also a page about families being different, referring to varying numbers of kids (or no kids), divorce/remarriage, one parent/two parents, etc. The illustrations are cute and the text is straightforward and educational.
I loVe my Family (a book about assisted conception for young children)
Softcover. This book focuses on IVF. It talks about putting an ovum together with a sperm and forming a "super cell" called an embryo which gets put in a uterus. There are some guidelines for parents about how to talk to children about their conception, and also some suggestions for how to use the book to discuss egg/sperm donation or surrogacy. There are some coloring pages in the back with some discussion tips on love, hope, wishes, and family. The illustrations are crude, and don't follow one family through the book, but rather show a variety of couples and kids of various ethnicities. Not at all religious.
If you have suggestions for other books that I should review, please leave a comment.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
I'm still here
The last time I blogged was right after our miscarriage in the spring - the second since we started trying for a sibling for C, and the end of our chances of having a girl - all our remaining embryos are male.
My husband was ready to call it quits. The miscarriages are so hard, and losing our last girl, after everything looked like it was going to be a smooth pregnancy, was just devastating.
We have no answers as to what caused that miscarriage. According to my RE, the chances of a miscarriage with a CGH-tested normal embryo is 1 in 12. So the chance of it happening twice is about 0.5%. Not impossible, but very unlikely. The normal ultrasound showed no signs of a SCH, and it was a sudden, spontaneous miscarriage. It's possible the same underlying cause affected both this pregnancy and the one last fall, or maybe the one last fall was purely due to the SCH and this one was different. Either way, we were dealing with complications beyond what we'd had to deal with to conceive and birth C.
I wanted to try one more pregnancy - to treat everything prophylactically, and see if we could sustain a pregnancy. If the answer was no, then it was clear we'd reached the end of current medical science. We finally agreed to do another FET, and timed it for mid-September, giving us a chance for a much needed vacation in late August (we left C with my mom for 8 days, which went really well).
I started low dose antibiotics at the recommendation of my ob/gyn, who has found that a long course of low dose antibiotics can help with recurrent pregnancy loss. We did an endometrial scratch 4 weeks before transfer. We did an intralipid infusion before transfer.
We transferred one CGH-normal embryo on September 13. I had pregnancy symptoms almost immediately, but when I POAS 8 days after transfer, it initially looked like a complete negative, and a few hours later had a faint, faint line (with a FRER, which don't show evaporation lines in my experience). Sure enough, beta was 8, and two days later was zero. So we had implantation, but it didn't stick.
Having a beta limbo sucked - I knew it was declining: based on my strong early symptoms I knew the beta would have been higher if it had been measured earlier, and I was ready to be done. This was our 10th transfer. #1 and #2 resulted in miscarriages, #3,4 and 5 were BFNs. #6 resulted in C. #7 resulted in a miscarriage. #8 was a BFN (technically it might have been a chemical), #9 was a miscarriage (and our last chance at a girl) and #10 was a chemical.
I had had the idea that we'd try one more pregnancy, not one more cycle, but I was ready to be done. (And DH only had the idea we'd do one more cycle, so he was worried that with a negative I'd push for another, but was definitely ready to be done.) For 7 years we've been focused on getting pregnant. And we have our fantastic son C. And I got to be pregnant (and loved it). So declaring that we were done with injections and transfers and 2ww's and endometrial scratches and hormone swings was a relief.
However.
After the last miscarriage, DH was ready to be done. As in stop cycling, no more kids, call it quits. But he had some conversations with friends, and he and I had some conversations, and we both got comfortable with the idea of surrogacy. Don't get me wrong, I grieve the loss of being pregnant again, and being able to epigenetically affect my baby during pregnancy. But between the choice of no more kids, or surrogacy, we choose surrogacy.
So after the last cycle failed, we've moved quickly. We signed with an agency in late October, and are meeting a potential surrogate tomorrow (!!). Since we have embryos, we could potentially transfer in as little as 2 months, so could be January sometime. We'll transfer one at a time, but hopefully around the end of 2015/early 2016, we could be bringing home another baby.
It feels weirdly transactional, and at least right now I don't feel nearly as emotionally invested as I did when cycling myself. I think some of that is because we have C, so the stakes are lower. If instead of doing donor eggs, we'd had to do surrogacy for C, the stakes would have been incredibly high.
There are some silver linings. I have my body back, and after weaning, four transfers, and two miscarriages, it's nice to be able to exercise freely and fit into old clothes. No injections is great, and no monitoring appointments, etc. I intend to induce lactation so I can breastfeed, and hopefully having successfully breastfed C will increase my chances of success (if anyone has a killer lactation consultant in Northern California with experience in inducing lactation, I'd love the contact info).
When we first started trying to have kids, back in 2007, I would never have anticipated getting to this point. But we decided having a child was important enough to us that we chose to use donor eggs. And that was a great experience and hasn't colored my relationship with C in the slightest. And we've decided having another child was important enough to us that we're choosing to use a surrogate with our donor egg embryos. And I'm confident that if we'll have no regrets.
My husband was ready to call it quits. The miscarriages are so hard, and losing our last girl, after everything looked like it was going to be a smooth pregnancy, was just devastating.
We have no answers as to what caused that miscarriage. According to my RE, the chances of a miscarriage with a CGH-tested normal embryo is 1 in 12. So the chance of it happening twice is about 0.5%. Not impossible, but very unlikely. The normal ultrasound showed no signs of a SCH, and it was a sudden, spontaneous miscarriage. It's possible the same underlying cause affected both this pregnancy and the one last fall, or maybe the one last fall was purely due to the SCH and this one was different. Either way, we were dealing with complications beyond what we'd had to deal with to conceive and birth C.
I wanted to try one more pregnancy - to treat everything prophylactically, and see if we could sustain a pregnancy. If the answer was no, then it was clear we'd reached the end of current medical science. We finally agreed to do another FET, and timed it for mid-September, giving us a chance for a much needed vacation in late August (we left C with my mom for 8 days, which went really well).
I started low dose antibiotics at the recommendation of my ob/gyn, who has found that a long course of low dose antibiotics can help with recurrent pregnancy loss. We did an endometrial scratch 4 weeks before transfer. We did an intralipid infusion before transfer.
We transferred one CGH-normal embryo on September 13. I had pregnancy symptoms almost immediately, but when I POAS 8 days after transfer, it initially looked like a complete negative, and a few hours later had a faint, faint line (with a FRER, which don't show evaporation lines in my experience). Sure enough, beta was 8, and two days later was zero. So we had implantation, but it didn't stick.
Having a beta limbo sucked - I knew it was declining: based on my strong early symptoms I knew the beta would have been higher if it had been measured earlier, and I was ready to be done. This was our 10th transfer. #1 and #2 resulted in miscarriages, #3,4 and 5 were BFNs. #6 resulted in C. #7 resulted in a miscarriage. #8 was a BFN (technically it might have been a chemical), #9 was a miscarriage (and our last chance at a girl) and #10 was a chemical.
I had had the idea that we'd try one more pregnancy, not one more cycle, but I was ready to be done. (And DH only had the idea we'd do one more cycle, so he was worried that with a negative I'd push for another, but was definitely ready to be done.) For 7 years we've been focused on getting pregnant. And we have our fantastic son C. And I got to be pregnant (and loved it). So declaring that we were done with injections and transfers and 2ww's and endometrial scratches and hormone swings was a relief.
However.
After the last miscarriage, DH was ready to be done. As in stop cycling, no more kids, call it quits. But he had some conversations with friends, and he and I had some conversations, and we both got comfortable with the idea of surrogacy. Don't get me wrong, I grieve the loss of being pregnant again, and being able to epigenetically affect my baby during pregnancy. But between the choice of no more kids, or surrogacy, we choose surrogacy.
So after the last cycle failed, we've moved quickly. We signed with an agency in late October, and are meeting a potential surrogate tomorrow (!!). Since we have embryos, we could potentially transfer in as little as 2 months, so could be January sometime. We'll transfer one at a time, but hopefully around the end of 2015/early 2016, we could be bringing home another baby.
It feels weirdly transactional, and at least right now I don't feel nearly as emotionally invested as I did when cycling myself. I think some of that is because we have C, so the stakes are lower. If instead of doing donor eggs, we'd had to do surrogacy for C, the stakes would have been incredibly high.
There are some silver linings. I have my body back, and after weaning, four transfers, and two miscarriages, it's nice to be able to exercise freely and fit into old clothes. No injections is great, and no monitoring appointments, etc. I intend to induce lactation so I can breastfeed, and hopefully having successfully breastfed C will increase my chances of success (if anyone has a killer lactation consultant in Northern California with experience in inducing lactation, I'd love the contact info).
When we first started trying to have kids, back in 2007, I would never have anticipated getting to this point. But we decided having a child was important enough to us that we chose to use donor eggs. And that was a great experience and hasn't colored my relationship with C in the slightest. And we've decided having another child was important enough to us that we're choosing to use a surrogate with our donor egg embryos. And I'm confident that if we'll have no regrets.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Not only lightning strikes twice
I thought only lightning strikes twice. I was wrong.
Yesterday afternoon I had what felt like a tummyache. I went to the bathroom and felt constipated, and when I wiped, there was fresh blood. I rested on the couch and called my husband to come home from work early so he could take care of C and put him to bed. Over the course of the next few hours I passed blood and clots - probably about 4 tablespoons worth. It was frighteningly similar to the bleeding in the fall, and we were pretty sure we knew how this would end.
Woke up this morning and didn't have any bleeding, but still felt crampy. I had about 5% hope that the bleeding all came from my cervix, since I'd had the good ultrasound last Thursday that showed no signs of a bleed. Went in for an ultrasound this morning, and it's clear the pregnancy is over. It looks like there's a lot of blood and clots still to come, but there's no visible gestational sac. No hematomas, though (which we believe to be the cause of the bleeding and miscarriage in the fall).
Our last girl, gone, in a blink of an eye. We're devastated. We were so joyful and optimistic about this pregnancy, and this happened out of nowhere. DH isn't sure he wants to continue trying to add to our family. I definitely understand where he's coming from - it's not the right time to make any decisions about this, but we have C, and it's so so painful to deal with loss after loss, when we've done everything we can to make sure all possible variables have been removed.
The universe sucks.
Yesterday afternoon I had what felt like a tummyache. I went to the bathroom and felt constipated, and when I wiped, there was fresh blood. I rested on the couch and called my husband to come home from work early so he could take care of C and put him to bed. Over the course of the next few hours I passed blood and clots - probably about 4 tablespoons worth. It was frighteningly similar to the bleeding in the fall, and we were pretty sure we knew how this would end.
Woke up this morning and didn't have any bleeding, but still felt crampy. I had about 5% hope that the bleeding all came from my cervix, since I'd had the good ultrasound last Thursday that showed no signs of a bleed. Went in for an ultrasound this morning, and it's clear the pregnancy is over. It looks like there's a lot of blood and clots still to come, but there's no visible gestational sac. No hematomas, though (which we believe to be the cause of the bleeding and miscarriage in the fall).
Our last girl, gone, in a blink of an eye. We're devastated. We were so joyful and optimistic about this pregnancy, and this happened out of nowhere. DH isn't sure he wants to continue trying to add to our family. I definitely understand where he's coming from - it's not the right time to make any decisions about this, but we have C, and it's so so painful to deal with loss after loss, when we've done everything we can to make sure all possible variables have been removed.
The universe sucks.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Quick update - 5.5 weeks
Beta on Wednesday was 4157, which floored me. Our doubling time is about 26-27 hours. We didn't get the number until Thursday morning, so I was awfully curious what I'd see at the Thursday ultrasound. (Of course on the way to the ultrasound, NPR was airing a show about raising identical twins... hee!)
Thankfully, we saw one (phew!) perfect gestational sac. And no signs of any bleeds. Too early for a heartbeat - our next scan is May 5, when I'll be 6w5d and should definitely see a heartbeat.
We retested my immunology (NK and TH1:TH2) and they all came back normal, so no intralipids, and no more retesting. I just do another beta/progesterone/CBC this week, and then progesterone/CBC afterwards until 12 weeks.
I'm frequently queasy - mostly at night when I'm reading in bed, but also sometimes when I'm driving in the car. My theory is I actually have low-level queasiness pretty frequently, but life is distracting at other times, so I don't really notice. I'm sleeping very soundly. And my breasts are getting a little bigger - I swear sometimes I can feel them grow.
We went ahead and told our parents and a few close friends. C will just be 2 when his little sister is born, so I'm guessing he won't understand anything I try to explain until the fall. He generally has extremely good comprehension of things we say - for at least a month he's followed instructions like 'please put that back in the drawer' or 'please put your pajamas in the laundry basket', but this is a little more abstract. ;)
Thankfully, we saw one (phew!) perfect gestational sac. And no signs of any bleeds. Too early for a heartbeat - our next scan is May 5, when I'll be 6w5d and should definitely see a heartbeat.
We retested my immunology (NK and TH1:TH2) and they all came back normal, so no intralipids, and no more retesting. I just do another beta/progesterone/CBC this week, and then progesterone/CBC afterwards until 12 weeks.
I'm frequently queasy - mostly at night when I'm reading in bed, but also sometimes when I'm driving in the car. My theory is I actually have low-level queasiness pretty frequently, but life is distracting at other times, so I don't really notice. I'm sleeping very soundly. And my breasts are getting a little bigger - I swear sometimes I can feel them grow.
We went ahead and told our parents and a few close friends. C will just be 2 when his little sister is born, so I'm guessing he won't understand anything I try to explain until the fall. He generally has extremely good comprehension of things we say - for at least a month he's followed instructions like 'please put that back in the drawer' or 'please put your pajamas in the laundry basket', but this is a little more abstract. ;)
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Whoa Nelly!
We're pregnant! Beta #2 was today. It tripled from 211 on Friday (10dp6dt) to 644 today (12dp6dt).
She implanted quickly - I didn't feel implantation but started having symptoms within 48 hours of transfer. And then spent the next week hoping I wasn't being too optimistic. I POASed on Wednesday (and freaked myself out by not waiting 3 minutes to look - you'd think I'd know better by now...) For the math to work out I had to be producing HCG pretty quickly.
I have an early ultrasound scheduled for Thursday so we can look for any signs of a potential bleed.
Her due date is 12/24 - two days after C's due date (though his birthday is 12/18). Conveniently that means my maternity clothes are all the right season, as are the hand me downs. And I guess we'll be experts at how to handle Christmas birthdays...
Next hurdle - hoping for no signs of a bleed when we look on Thursday. I didn't think there'd be anything to see, but our betas will be over 2000 by then so we should see a gestational sac. I'll schedule the first regular ultrasound for the first week in May when we hope to see the heartbeat.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Starting another 2ww
A quick update...
We transferred our last XX embryo today. It was only a 3BC when the clinic graded it this morning, but two hours later at transfer time it had expanded to a 5BB (5 measures its progress/growth, B is the quality of the inner cell mass, and B is the quality of the trophectoderm that forms the placenta. We were initially disappointed to hear the embryo was so far behind the other embryos we transferred (last one was fully hatched), so it was a huge relief to hear it was doing so well.
I did an intralipid infusion last Friday, just to cover our bases, and as I mentioned in my last post, my RE did an endometrial scratch for me a month ago.
Our transfer for C was 4/6/12. Hopefully we'll be able to say his sister's transfer date was 4/8/14.
We transferred our last XX embryo today. It was only a 3BC when the clinic graded it this morning, but two hours later at transfer time it had expanded to a 5BB (5 measures its progress/growth, B is the quality of the inner cell mass, and B is the quality of the trophectoderm that forms the placenta. We were initially disappointed to hear the embryo was so far behind the other embryos we transferred (last one was fully hatched), so it was a huge relief to hear it was doing so well.
I did an intralipid infusion last Friday, just to cover our bases, and as I mentioned in my last post, my RE did an endometrial scratch for me a month ago.
Our transfer for C was 4/6/12. Hopefully we'll be able to say his sister's transfer date was 4/8/14.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Not that horse...
(Subject is a reference to my last post, Back on the Horse.)
Sorry for the delay. The last FET didn't work - BFN (beta was 2, so annoyingly my RE had me do a second beta to make sure it didn't rise). So we only have one XX embryo left.
High stakes. We console ourselves with the thought that very few people know ahead of time the sex of their baby. But oh, we'd so like to have a little girl. I even bought a few little girl clothes when I was pregnant in the fall...
We're doing everything we can - we convinced my RE to do an endometrial scratch - he usually only does them as part of retrieval (since transfers at his clinic are all FETs due to CGH) and thus not for later FETs or donor recipients. But he did it for me (under sedation). Maybe he'll start doing it regularly - the way we managed our donor cycle changed the way the clinic handles all patients: CGH screening, and single embryo transfers of normal embryos.
Last cycle my immunology results came back normal so we didn't do an intralipid. This time, we're doing an intralipid regardless - that's scheduled for next Friday.
I had the scratch on March 8. The FET is scheduled for April 8. I started estradiol last Friday. DH is traveling again, but this time he's only missing two shots. Last cycle he was gone until the night before transfer, so I did nearly all of my estradiol and progesterone IM shots myself.
It took 3 transfers of perfect embryos to get pregnant with C. My RE says this third one will work. I'm scared the pregnancy in the fall was the one of three that worked...
---
I'm generally not all that focused on this FET, however. It's the subject of late night conversations in bed before we go to sleep, but my days are filled with C.
He's a joy. He's a solid walker - in the past few days he's started walking like an adult, with his legs under him, instead of toddling with a wide stance. He has a few words now. 'Nana' for banana, and 'cheeeeze' for cheese. He still doesn't say Mama or Dada with intent, although occasionally when he's annoyed he'll converse with himself and I often hear 'mama' in those diatribes. New signs are 'music' and 'up'. I sing him the alphabet song after we read books before nap and bedtime, and after we're done with books he signs for 'music' so I sing. He really loves music - as soon as he's up in the morning he'll ask for music to be turned on. At the playground he's much more active - clambers up steps in the climbing structure and knows how to hold onto railings while he climbs. He doesn't like slides - hasn't figured out how to stay sitting while sliding down, but enjoys swings as long as it's not too high.
He's still not eating meat, except in combination with other things (ham in beans, or chicken in soup). He loves beans and rice. We moved off thinkbaby sippy cup tops and are now on straw bottles. He's not very good with an open cup but I'm trying to mix it in so he gets practice. He's great with a fork, but not so hot with a spoon unless I'm helping.
I'm solo parenting for the next 5 days, so wish me luck. :)
Sorry for the delay. The last FET didn't work - BFN (beta was 2, so annoyingly my RE had me do a second beta to make sure it didn't rise). So we only have one XX embryo left.
High stakes. We console ourselves with the thought that very few people know ahead of time the sex of their baby. But oh, we'd so like to have a little girl. I even bought a few little girl clothes when I was pregnant in the fall...
We're doing everything we can - we convinced my RE to do an endometrial scratch - he usually only does them as part of retrieval (since transfers at his clinic are all FETs due to CGH) and thus not for later FETs or donor recipients. But he did it for me (under sedation). Maybe he'll start doing it regularly - the way we managed our donor cycle changed the way the clinic handles all patients: CGH screening, and single embryo transfers of normal embryos.
Last cycle my immunology results came back normal so we didn't do an intralipid. This time, we're doing an intralipid regardless - that's scheduled for next Friday.
I had the scratch on March 8. The FET is scheduled for April 8. I started estradiol last Friday. DH is traveling again, but this time he's only missing two shots. Last cycle he was gone until the night before transfer, so I did nearly all of my estradiol and progesterone IM shots myself.
It took 3 transfers of perfect embryos to get pregnant with C. My RE says this third one will work. I'm scared the pregnancy in the fall was the one of three that worked...
---
I'm generally not all that focused on this FET, however. It's the subject of late night conversations in bed before we go to sleep, but my days are filled with C.
He's a joy. He's a solid walker - in the past few days he's started walking like an adult, with his legs under him, instead of toddling with a wide stance. He has a few words now. 'Nana' for banana, and 'cheeeeze' for cheese. He still doesn't say Mama or Dada with intent, although occasionally when he's annoyed he'll converse with himself and I often hear 'mama' in those diatribes. New signs are 'music' and 'up'. I sing him the alphabet song after we read books before nap and bedtime, and after we're done with books he signs for 'music' so I sing. He really loves music - as soon as he's up in the morning he'll ask for music to be turned on. At the playground he's much more active - clambers up steps in the climbing structure and knows how to hold onto railings while he climbs. He doesn't like slides - hasn't figured out how to stay sitting while sliding down, but enjoys swings as long as it's not too high.
He's still not eating meat, except in combination with other things (ham in beans, or chicken in soup). He loves beans and rice. We moved off thinkbaby sippy cup tops and are now on straw bottles. He's not very good with an open cup but I'm trying to mix it in so he gets practice. He's great with a fork, but not so hot with a spoon unless I'm helping.
I'm solo parenting for the next 5 days, so wish me luck. :)
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Back on the horse
As the title suggests, we're back in the process of fighting to have a second child. We transferred a 6AB embryo on Sunday. It feels very abstract. I think I try to stay removed from the 2ww to protect myself.
For the first time ever, my immunology results came back normal, so I haven't done intralipids (this makes me slightly nervous). If I get a BFP, we'll retest and if my levels have increased, I'll do intralipids every 2-3 weeks until 11 weeks when we test again.
The miscarriage in November was awful. It took two doses of misoprostol and then a minor D&C to finally clear everything out, and that wasn't complete until December 4. It was such a relief when my beta finally got down to near-zero.
I managed to have a mammogram in mid-January - my last one was in January 2010, before starting IVF, and then each following year I was either in cycle, or pregnant, or breastfeeding. They called me back a week later to have more images taken, and found new calcifications and a cyst on one side, so I had two biopsies done (not very painful, but quite traumatic) which thankfully came back negative. It was very stressful, both due to the worry about cancerous or precancerous findings, but also because I was about to start meds for the FET and it would have been postponed while we dealt with surgery. But all worked out ok and now I have a new baseline mammogram and a titanium marker in one breast so they know where they removed the sample next time. And I go back next January for another mammogram, even if I'm breastfeeding.
The rest of this post will be about C, so feel free to skip if you're not in that place right now...
On December 18 my beautiful boy turned 1 - we celebrated with family on Saturday, December 21. Note to self - in the future celebrate his birthday early, not late - I felt like I did nothing but cook and clean from December 20 through Christmas Day (which we hosted). On his 1 year birthday he dropped to one nap. On December 19, his 16th tooth came in!
He's now getting close to 14 months. He's walking, though he'll drop to a crawl for long distances. He signs 'more', 'all done', 'milk', 'water', 'food', and his favorite, 'book'. (He's even combined them into 'more' 'book'.) Now I'm learning more signs so I can teach them to him. He talks all the time, but with words only he can understand. He does say 'ba' for ball. He says something like 'babuba' for blueberries, which he loves. Mimics other words like 'baby' and 'mama' and 'dada' but understands an awful lot. He enjoys closing drawers and doors for me. Stacks blocks and rings and frequently brings me books to read for him. He knows his nose and ears and head and mouth and bellybutton, and will (often) give kisses, hugs and cuddles. He just learned how to blow a kiss.
He's a fantastic sleeper, and yes, I know how lucky I am. He sleeps from 6:30pm to sometime between 7 and 7:30am, and takes a 1.5-2 hour nap between noon and 2.
We've continued with baby led weaning. He gets 2 bottles a day (thinkbaby bottles with sippy tops) of 7oz each, and usually drinks 5-7oz of each, plus a small bedtime bottle that he usually refuses and we're shrinking gradually. He's currently refusing all meat, so toast + nut butter or toast + hummus, or pancakes made with full-fat yogurt are all in heavy rotation. He does like cheese, and loves fruit and veggies. And he's great at drinking water, which is good because he's had a cold for the past 4-5 weeks (more than one, obviously).
He keeps getting more and more fun. It's exhausting, particularly when my husband goes away for a 10 day business trip and C and I both get sick, but he's wonderful.
Thinking of all my tweeps in the 2ww and fighting infertility.
For the first time ever, my immunology results came back normal, so I haven't done intralipids (this makes me slightly nervous). If I get a BFP, we'll retest and if my levels have increased, I'll do intralipids every 2-3 weeks until 11 weeks when we test again.
The miscarriage in November was awful. It took two doses of misoprostol and then a minor D&C to finally clear everything out, and that wasn't complete until December 4. It was such a relief when my beta finally got down to near-zero.
I managed to have a mammogram in mid-January - my last one was in January 2010, before starting IVF, and then each following year I was either in cycle, or pregnant, or breastfeeding. They called me back a week later to have more images taken, and found new calcifications and a cyst on one side, so I had two biopsies done (not very painful, but quite traumatic) which thankfully came back negative. It was very stressful, both due to the worry about cancerous or precancerous findings, but also because I was about to start meds for the FET and it would have been postponed while we dealt with surgery. But all worked out ok and now I have a new baseline mammogram and a titanium marker in one breast so they know where they removed the sample next time. And I go back next January for another mammogram, even if I'm breastfeeding.
The rest of this post will be about C, so feel free to skip if you're not in that place right now...
On December 18 my beautiful boy turned 1 - we celebrated with family on Saturday, December 21. Note to self - in the future celebrate his birthday early, not late - I felt like I did nothing but cook and clean from December 20 through Christmas Day (which we hosted). On his 1 year birthday he dropped to one nap. On December 19, his 16th tooth came in!
He's now getting close to 14 months. He's walking, though he'll drop to a crawl for long distances. He signs 'more', 'all done', 'milk', 'water', 'food', and his favorite, 'book'. (He's even combined them into 'more' 'book'.) Now I'm learning more signs so I can teach them to him. He talks all the time, but with words only he can understand. He does say 'ba' for ball. He says something like 'babuba' for blueberries, which he loves. Mimics other words like 'baby' and 'mama' and 'dada' but understands an awful lot. He enjoys closing drawers and doors for me. Stacks blocks and rings and frequently brings me books to read for him. He knows his nose and ears and head and mouth and bellybutton, and will (often) give kisses, hugs and cuddles. He just learned how to blow a kiss.
He's a fantastic sleeper, and yes, I know how lucky I am. He sleeps from 6:30pm to sometime between 7 and 7:30am, and takes a 1.5-2 hour nap between noon and 2.
We've continued with baby led weaning. He gets 2 bottles a day (thinkbaby bottles with sippy tops) of 7oz each, and usually drinks 5-7oz of each, plus a small bedtime bottle that he usually refuses and we're shrinking gradually. He's currently refusing all meat, so toast + nut butter or toast + hummus, or pancakes made with full-fat yogurt are all in heavy rotation. He does like cheese, and loves fruit and veggies. And he's great at drinking water, which is good because he's had a cold for the past 4-5 weeks (more than one, obviously).
He keeps getting more and more fun. It's exhausting, particularly when my husband goes away for a 10 day business trip and C and I both get sick, but he's wonderful.
Thinking of all my tweeps in the 2ww and fighting infertility.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Bereft
The ultrasound yesterday was not good. The tsunami of clots on Sunday apparently swept away the gestational sac as well. The hematoma is gone, but there's no visible sac and no visible heartbeat. I go back in tomorrow to confirm, but I have zero expectation of a surprise.
I feel so betrayed by my body. There's nothing we could have done to prevent this miscarriage - no treatment to avoid or manage sub chorionic hematomas.
With our first two miscarriages, it was a chromosomal abnormality that meant the embryo just stopped progressing, and those embryos could never have been babies.
This embryo was a perfect little girl. If my body had done its job properly, she would have, in all likelihood, been another fabulous child like C.
I was sad yesterday but not all that surprised. Sunday was horrific, so it's not surprising she couldn't survive it.
DH is devastated. As he says, we'll always wonder what she would have been like.
I feel so betrayed by my body. There's nothing we could have done to prevent this miscarriage - no treatment to avoid or manage sub chorionic hematomas.
With our first two miscarriages, it was a chromosomal abnormality that meant the embryo just stopped progressing, and those embryos could never have been babies.
This embryo was a perfect little girl. If my body had done its job properly, she would have, in all likelihood, been another fabulous child like C.
I was sad yesterday but not all that surprised. Sunday was horrific, so it's not surprising she couldn't survive it.
DH is devastated. As he says, we'll always wonder what she would have been like.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
On track, but...
I had my first ultrasound last Tuesday (11/12), and measured exactly on target (6w2d) with a good heartbeat!
However. (If you're squeamish, you may want to skip the next part. TMI warning.)
I started bleeding the previous Tuesday (noticed dark brown blood that night), so went in for my weekly beta on Wednesday instead of Thursday. It was good, at 4454. I asked for an extra beta on Friday so I could make sure it was continuing to climb, and it was, at 6042. Had another bleed Friday night/Saturday morning (including some small clots on Friday night). So I moved my Thursday ultrasound up to Tuesday. Bled again Monday night/Tuesday morning. But the ultrasound, as I mentioned above, showed a healthy pregnancy, along with a moderate sized sub chorionic hematoma (35mm x 15mm or so) which is where the bleeding is coming from. I had suspected this was the case, but it was so reassuring to get an ultrasound to confirm.
Doctor said to take it easy, but to expect more bleeding. I cancelled a trip that I was going to take this past weekend, and have been generally taking it pretty easy. My husband is taking this month off in between jobs, which is fantastic timing, so he's been able to shoulder a lot of the (21 lb baby) load.
I hadn't bled since Tuesday morning until this afternoon. When I noticed a little light red bleeding. And then passed two medium sized clots. And then an hour later, a truly horrific, fist-sized clot. And an hour later, one about half that size. But I'm not bleeding much, and it's not the bright red thick blood. And the clots are getting smaller now.
So I'm very curious about what the hematoma will look like tomorrow morning. And how big it is. And of course I'm hoping the pregnancy is still on track. But I think all this bleeding/clot messiness is just happening alongside the pregnancy. Still enormously stressful and unpleasant (and the clots cause a lot of cramping.)
Hopefully this is the one issue I have to deal with for this pregnancy (like my marginal placenta previa in my pregnancy with C).
Sending love and strength to @ImpatientJelly and her boys, who were just born at 24w1d.
However. (If you're squeamish, you may want to skip the next part. TMI warning.)
I started bleeding the previous Tuesday (noticed dark brown blood that night), so went in for my weekly beta on Wednesday instead of Thursday. It was good, at 4454. I asked for an extra beta on Friday so I could make sure it was continuing to climb, and it was, at 6042. Had another bleed Friday night/Saturday morning (including some small clots on Friday night). So I moved my Thursday ultrasound up to Tuesday. Bled again Monday night/Tuesday morning. But the ultrasound, as I mentioned above, showed a healthy pregnancy, along with a moderate sized sub chorionic hematoma (35mm x 15mm or so) which is where the bleeding is coming from. I had suspected this was the case, but it was so reassuring to get an ultrasound to confirm.
Doctor said to take it easy, but to expect more bleeding. I cancelled a trip that I was going to take this past weekend, and have been generally taking it pretty easy. My husband is taking this month off in between jobs, which is fantastic timing, so he's been able to shoulder a lot of the (21 lb baby) load.
I hadn't bled since Tuesday morning until this afternoon. When I noticed a little light red bleeding. And then passed two medium sized clots. And then an hour later, a truly horrific, fist-sized clot. And an hour later, one about half that size. But I'm not bleeding much, and it's not the bright red thick blood. And the clots are getting smaller now.
So I'm very curious about what the hematoma will look like tomorrow morning. And how big it is. And of course I'm hoping the pregnancy is still on track. But I think all this bleeding/clot messiness is just happening alongside the pregnancy. Still enormously stressful and unpleasant (and the clots cause a lot of cramping.)
Hopefully this is the one issue I have to deal with for this pregnancy (like my marginal placenta previa in my pregnancy with C).
Sending love and strength to @ImpatientJelly and her boys, who were just born at 24w1d.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
#2
And our FET worked! I'm pregnant!
I tested on Monday morning, the day before the 10dp6dt beta, with a digital test, and got a positive. The first beta came back at 78, which was half what my son's first beta was, so I was a little anxious. But the second beta, two days later, was 272, which was very reassuring!
Lots of twinges, and I get really tired around 4pm, but otherwise feeling good. Naturally I just caught a cold, which is less fun on no medication...
I go in on Monday for another Intralipid infusion, and have the first ultrasound on November 14. Due date is July 6!
I tested on Monday morning, the day before the 10dp6dt beta, with a digital test, and got a positive. The first beta came back at 78, which was half what my son's first beta was, so I was a little anxious. But the second beta, two days later, was 272, which was very reassuring!
Lots of twinges, and I get really tired around 4pm, but otherwise feeling good. Naturally I just caught a cold, which is less fun on no medication...
I go in on Monday for another Intralipid infusion, and have the first ultrasound on November 14. Due date is July 6!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
9 months and planning ahead
So C turned 9 months old last week. He's amazing. Super mobile - pulls himself up to standing with ease all day long (and sits down so carefully, it cracks me up). We suspect he'll be walking pretty soon - he barely has to hold on when he stands up now so his balance is getting pretty good.
He has 8 teeth. We had a dentist appointment in mid-August and now brush his teeth daily. One of the reasons to see the dentist was that I wanted a second opinion on C's lip tie. I'd gone to a pediatric ENT and she confirmed he has one (level 3) but didn't recommend correcting it. However, this was after she told me she'd never corrected a lip tie, despite being the ENT who does all the tongue ties at our health center. Weird. So the dentist agreed - he does do (laser) corrections, but since C's doesn't go between his teeth, he thinks he may not need it.
He weighs 18.5 pounds, and is 29.5" long. This puts him at about the 25th percentile for weight and the 90th percentile for length. Long and lean! He's in 12-18 month one pieces and tops (and is close to growing out of the one-pieces) and still in some 3-6 month bottoms (but also some 12-18 month ones if they have all elastic waists).
He's a really happy baby. He's vocal (and sings to music) and grins and laughs easily. We just started a Music Together class - he's usually observant for the first half of class, and then gets into the instruments and singing and dancing. He enjoys food: we've done Baby Led Weaning the whole time - took about 2 months for him to switch from "food is interesting and fun" to "food helps when I'm hungry", and now he eats quite a bit at each meal.
I don't know that I ever really blogged about it, but we do cloth diapers during the day (itti bitti tutto's) and disposables at night. Around 8 months I read the book Diaper Free Before 3 and started putting C on the potty before and after naps, and any time I noticed him holding his breath or grunting like he needed to poo. We have about a 50-60% hit rate, and often he'll pee a little bit even if his diaper was wet, suggesting he knows what the potty is for (e.g. he doesn't just use the potty when his bladder is full). We're generally quite good at getting poops in the potty. My mom is totally into this early potty training thing and is triumphant when he successfully uses the potty for her. Hee!
I started introducing formula when he turned 8 months as I planned to fully wean by 9 months so I could start prepping for a FET to give C a sister (our embryos were fully tested so we know the genders). (I wouldn't have weaned except for wanting to start the sibling journey quickly given how long it took us to have C.) I dropped a nursing session every 4-7 days until early September, when I tried to drop the morning one and he got really angry. So I ended up doing a little nursing and some bottle for morning and evening sessions, and then having my husband do the bottle every morning (and evenings when he was home in time) which worked really well. My last nursing session was September 11 (though I didn't realize it at the time, *sniff*), and my last pumping session was September 12 (2 oz). That last week I was only doing one nursing session and one or two small pumping sessions a day. I thought that would make it easier to stop altogether, but fully weaning was actually really uncomfortable. The first couple of days weren't terrible, but then I had 3-4 days of really swollen breasts with hard lumps - made it hard to sleep, or do anything (like bathing C) that required leaning on something. Ice and ibuprofen helped. And finally today, for the first time, I'm wearing a regular underwire bra in my pre-pregnancy size. 32DD's have never looked so small.
It was hard to wean. I loved breastfeeding C - it went smoothly after we got him a good latch early on, and I loved being able to calm him down. And it was so convenient compared to prepping bottles with formula. But it's also nice to be able to wear normal clothes without worrying about nursing access, and now that C is only on bottles, we've been able to get into a really good routine:
Wake up (typically 6-7am)
7oz bottle
Breakfast 60-90 minutes later
Nap 1 (3 hours after he wakes up)
7 oz bottle after nap
Lunch 60-90 minutes later
Nap 2 (3-3.5 hours after he woke up from Nap 1)
7 oz bottle after nap
Dinner 60-90 minutes later
7 oz bottle at bedtime (usually 60ish minutes later)
That last bottle we hope to downsize gradually so he's processing less liquid overnight. :) But right now we don't want to mess with anything as he's been consistently sleeping through the night. When we first got on bottles, we were doing 5 oz, then tried 6 oz, and now 7 oz often gets finished. Per day he's usually drinking about 25 oz and he's eating pretty good meals for solids. I'm curious if his weight percentile will shift at his 12 month appointment.
I know I teased you up there about planning a FET... I've been on birth control pills for almost 2 weeks now, and my last one will be on Saturday. Next week I have bloodwork to check hormone levels, and will have a period (which I fear will be epic since my period didn't come back while I was breastfeeding). And my FET is scheduled for 10/19! We re-ran my immunology bloodwork earlier this month and it's really good - barely abnormal, which is great for me. So we'll do two Intralipid infusions, and then two more if I get pregnant, but no Humira this time around.
It's funny, both DH and I had forgotten about the estradiol valerate shots. That there were shots, that they're IM shots, and that they're twice a week. In all our IF journey, we only did two FETs, both in 2012, and the second one resulted in C. So the routine wasn't imprinted on our brains like all the stimulation protocols were...
I'm mostly eager about the FET. I'm not anxious at the moment, and C keeps me so busy that the time will fly by (hoping that's true for the 2WW!) It took 3 transfers of perfect embryos to have C, so it's very likely the first transfer won't be the one. The only anxiety I (we) have is that of our 8 frozen embryos, only 3 are girls, and we really want our next child to be a girl. But we're lucky to have those 3 (not to mention the 8 total) and we're crossing our fingers it all works out. So glad we did the second donor cycle so we'd have all these genetically related embryos stored up...
I'm still on twitter, and I still read blogs, though often a month or so behind. With Google Reader gone, I'm using Feedly, which is great for reading, and not so great for commenting, so I've become a lurker on almost every site. Do know that I'm rooting for all of you, and I'm following your journeys as best I can.
He has 8 teeth. We had a dentist appointment in mid-August and now brush his teeth daily. One of the reasons to see the dentist was that I wanted a second opinion on C's lip tie. I'd gone to a pediatric ENT and she confirmed he has one (level 3) but didn't recommend correcting it. However, this was after she told me she'd never corrected a lip tie, despite being the ENT who does all the tongue ties at our health center. Weird. So the dentist agreed - he does do (laser) corrections, but since C's doesn't go between his teeth, he thinks he may not need it.
He weighs 18.5 pounds, and is 29.5" long. This puts him at about the 25th percentile for weight and the 90th percentile for length. Long and lean! He's in 12-18 month one pieces and tops (and is close to growing out of the one-pieces) and still in some 3-6 month bottoms (but also some 12-18 month ones if they have all elastic waists).
He's a really happy baby. He's vocal (and sings to music) and grins and laughs easily. We just started a Music Together class - he's usually observant for the first half of class, and then gets into the instruments and singing and dancing. He enjoys food: we've done Baby Led Weaning the whole time - took about 2 months for him to switch from "food is interesting and fun" to "food helps when I'm hungry", and now he eats quite a bit at each meal.
I don't know that I ever really blogged about it, but we do cloth diapers during the day (itti bitti tutto's) and disposables at night. Around 8 months I read the book Diaper Free Before 3 and started putting C on the potty before and after naps, and any time I noticed him holding his breath or grunting like he needed to poo. We have about a 50-60% hit rate, and often he'll pee a little bit even if his diaper was wet, suggesting he knows what the potty is for (e.g. he doesn't just use the potty when his bladder is full). We're generally quite good at getting poops in the potty. My mom is totally into this early potty training thing and is triumphant when he successfully uses the potty for her. Hee!
I started introducing formula when he turned 8 months as I planned to fully wean by 9 months so I could start prepping for a FET to give C a sister (our embryos were fully tested so we know the genders). (I wouldn't have weaned except for wanting to start the sibling journey quickly given how long it took us to have C.) I dropped a nursing session every 4-7 days until early September, when I tried to drop the morning one and he got really angry. So I ended up doing a little nursing and some bottle for morning and evening sessions, and then having my husband do the bottle every morning (and evenings when he was home in time) which worked really well. My last nursing session was September 11 (though I didn't realize it at the time, *sniff*), and my last pumping session was September 12 (2 oz). That last week I was only doing one nursing session and one or two small pumping sessions a day. I thought that would make it easier to stop altogether, but fully weaning was actually really uncomfortable. The first couple of days weren't terrible, but then I had 3-4 days of really swollen breasts with hard lumps - made it hard to sleep, or do anything (like bathing C) that required leaning on something. Ice and ibuprofen helped. And finally today, for the first time, I'm wearing a regular underwire bra in my pre-pregnancy size. 32DD's have never looked so small.
It was hard to wean. I loved breastfeeding C - it went smoothly after we got him a good latch early on, and I loved being able to calm him down. And it was so convenient compared to prepping bottles with formula. But it's also nice to be able to wear normal clothes without worrying about nursing access, and now that C is only on bottles, we've been able to get into a really good routine:
Wake up (typically 6-7am)
7oz bottle
Breakfast 60-90 minutes later
Nap 1 (3 hours after he wakes up)
7 oz bottle after nap
Lunch 60-90 minutes later
Nap 2 (3-3.5 hours after he woke up from Nap 1)
7 oz bottle after nap
Dinner 60-90 minutes later
7 oz bottle at bedtime (usually 60ish minutes later)
That last bottle we hope to downsize gradually so he's processing less liquid overnight. :) But right now we don't want to mess with anything as he's been consistently sleeping through the night. When we first got on bottles, we were doing 5 oz, then tried 6 oz, and now 7 oz often gets finished. Per day he's usually drinking about 25 oz and he's eating pretty good meals for solids. I'm curious if his weight percentile will shift at his 12 month appointment.
I know I teased you up there about planning a FET... I've been on birth control pills for almost 2 weeks now, and my last one will be on Saturday. Next week I have bloodwork to check hormone levels, and will have a period (which I fear will be epic since my period didn't come back while I was breastfeeding). And my FET is scheduled for 10/19! We re-ran my immunology bloodwork earlier this month and it's really good - barely abnormal, which is great for me. So we'll do two Intralipid infusions, and then two more if I get pregnant, but no Humira this time around.
It's funny, both DH and I had forgotten about the estradiol valerate shots. That there were shots, that they're IM shots, and that they're twice a week. In all our IF journey, we only did two FETs, both in 2012, and the second one resulted in C. So the routine wasn't imprinted on our brains like all the stimulation protocols were...
I'm mostly eager about the FET. I'm not anxious at the moment, and C keeps me so busy that the time will fly by (hoping that's true for the 2WW!) It took 3 transfers of perfect embryos to have C, so it's very likely the first transfer won't be the one. The only anxiety I (we) have is that of our 8 frozen embryos, only 3 are girls, and we really want our next child to be a girl. But we're lucky to have those 3 (not to mention the 8 total) and we're crossing our fingers it all works out. So glad we did the second donor cycle so we'd have all these genetically related embryos stored up...
I'm still on twitter, and I still read blogs, though often a month or so behind. With Google Reader gone, I'm using Feedly, which is great for reading, and not so great for commenting, so I've become a lurker on almost every site. Do know that I'm rooting for all of you, and I'm following your journeys as best I can.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
6 months
My son is 6 months old as of yesterday.
That's crazy!
It goes so fast. He's been so much fun for the past 3 months. Increasingly active and aware and capable of playing with objects and with me and DH.
He has all four teeth. Two of them came in around 3.5 months and the other two around 5 months. They're not all the way in, but they're easily seen (and felt - ouch! luckily he doesn't bite me very frequently...)
He's a joy. He's cheerful and giggly, and only fussy if tired or hungry. Sleep has continued to be great. For the past few weeks he's been waking up once between 4am and 5am and then going back to sleep until about 7am. Although DH was gone for a week and of course most of that week C decided to wake up around 6am.
But last night, for the second time this week, C slept entirely through the night. And last night he didn't even wake enough to make cooing noises to himself - we didn't hear a peep until 6:20am (he went to sleep at 5:40pm)! If I can get a good nap day (don't ask about the last few days of naps...) I'd like to shift his bedtime to more like 6:00 so he's asleep at 6:30pm and sleeps until 7:00am.
He's on the cusp of switching to two naps, though as I mentioned we've had a couple of really rough nap days this week. His 6 month appointment is this afternoon, so he'll get a bunch of shots, which probably won't help the rest of the week be any better. I suspect he's still below 50% percentile on weight, but hopefully hasn't dropped further. It's always fun to get his new measurements.
I've been interviewing babysitters and tomorrow night we're starting a regular date night babysitter so DH and I can get out to dinner and/or a movie and/or see friends. I still need to find someone I'm happy with for during the day on weekdays, when I have appointments or errands that conflict with nap time.
DH hasn't been able to take as much time off as he'd like. In April we went to Hawaii for a week. In May he had work travel so he only took a long weekend to be with me and C. This month he had a week of travel that took him away from work, so he's not taking more time. I'm pushing him to block out weeks for July/August/September because if he doesn't protect the time he won't be able to take it...
We're starting solids on Saturday (because DH wants to be there when we do) - current plan is sweet potato, broccoli, avocado and pancakes. We're doing baby-led weaning so no purees. I've been having him sit at the table with me (in his portable high chair that attaches to the table) when he's awake and I'm eating lunch. And I set up his real high chair this morning and let him sit in it. He's been fascinated when we eat for at least a month - watches the fork go from plate to mouth - so I think he'll be really into it. I ordered long sleeve bibs on a friend's recommendation...
My joint pain has been improving, though I've screwed up my knee in some way and am currently doing physical therapy for it. My fingers are improving, but still (again?) painful - probably because the numbness has gone away. But I wake up with painful finger joints, which I'm not excited about. My physical therapist (for the knee) said she had the same problem during pregnancy and it took almost a year for it to go away. Joy.
I'm below my pre-IVF weight, and actually have to go shopping because all of my pants are too big. I'm skinnier than I'd like to be, actually. I just don't have a huge appetite, and I struggle even to stay hydrated enough. That, plus breastfeeding, means I'm continuing to lose weight. I'm upping the fat content in my diet to try to compensate - I'd like to not lose more weight. Still squishy in my lower belly, and it's obvious when I've eaten since my soft muscles don't hold my stomach in as well, but I've never had a flat belly.
Breastfeeding has been going really well. Overall, I'm really happy with how my body has handled pregnancy, recovery and breastfeeding - my only real complaint has been the joint issues. No stretch marks, no crazy hair loss,
When we sleep trained C, we sort of forgot to keep giving him a bottle every couple of days and he fell out of the habit. He's finally gotten back on it - I can hand him a bottle and he'll drink 1-2oz happily, as long as he's hungry. If he's not hungry he just chews on the nipple and then forgets to swallow, lol.
He's much more comfortable with tummy time, and clearly wants to crawl though he hasn't managed to coordinate it. He's lifting his whole chest now, but hasn't also lifted his bottom at the same time, and doesn't seem to understand his feet can help him get traction. He wiggles from back to side to back to get to toys, and usually sleeps on his side.
He's very vocal, but not really with word sounds. Recently he's trying coughing as a method of communication. (I have allergies so frequently cough to clear my throat in the early morning when I nurse him.) He'll cough to himself for 15-20 minutes sometimes. I suspect he's also doing it because it gets our attention, since we make sure he's not coughing for a legitimate reason, so we're trying to ignore it.
It's very easy to make him laugh, although I have to keep coming up with novel approaches, since what worked yesterday usually doesn't work as well today.
I emailed my RE last night to inquire about timing for a FET this fall. I'd like to breastfeed until 9 months, which would be mid-September, and I need to know how long between weaning and starting the FET. In the meantime I've donated about 300oz of breastmilk to my local milk bank. Now that I have an empty freezer, I can start building a stash for when I wean - ideally I'd be able to get him those last 3 months using a freezer stash but I think that's probably going to be challenging.
I'm pretty calm about starting up FETs. Because we have known-normal embryos, and we know how to control my immune system, I'm not anxious. It may still take more than one transfer, as it did to get pregnant with C, but I don't have the uncertainty that I did before. We have a lot of embryos so chances are very good we'll be able to give C at least one sibling. Infertility is still something I talk about a lot. Frequently when talking with people about C, I mention that it took us a long time and a lot of help to have him (this is not uncommon in a lot of my circles, so I get knowing looks and nods all the time). I just turned 38, so I'll be at least 39 when we have our next child.
Sorry for the meandering post and brain dump - it's been a long time since I've blogged, so there's a lot to record. I've always used this space as a journal of my experience rather than a place to wrestle with issues. I do have a post in the works about all the egg donor/ART children's books I've acquired and which ones I like/don't like, so will try to get that one out sooner rather than later.
That's crazy!
It goes so fast. He's been so much fun for the past 3 months. Increasingly active and aware and capable of playing with objects and with me and DH.
He has all four teeth. Two of them came in around 3.5 months and the other two around 5 months. They're not all the way in, but they're easily seen (and felt - ouch! luckily he doesn't bite me very frequently...)
He's a joy. He's cheerful and giggly, and only fussy if tired or hungry. Sleep has continued to be great. For the past few weeks he's been waking up once between 4am and 5am and then going back to sleep until about 7am. Although DH was gone for a week and of course most of that week C decided to wake up around 6am.
But last night, for the second time this week, C slept entirely through the night. And last night he didn't even wake enough to make cooing noises to himself - we didn't hear a peep until 6:20am (he went to sleep at 5:40pm)! If I can get a good nap day (don't ask about the last few days of naps...) I'd like to shift his bedtime to more like 6:00 so he's asleep at 6:30pm and sleeps until 7:00am.
He's on the cusp of switching to two naps, though as I mentioned we've had a couple of really rough nap days this week. His 6 month appointment is this afternoon, so he'll get a bunch of shots, which probably won't help the rest of the week be any better. I suspect he's still below 50% percentile on weight, but hopefully hasn't dropped further. It's always fun to get his new measurements.
I've been interviewing babysitters and tomorrow night we're starting a regular date night babysitter so DH and I can get out to dinner and/or a movie and/or see friends. I still need to find someone I'm happy with for during the day on weekdays, when I have appointments or errands that conflict with nap time.
DH hasn't been able to take as much time off as he'd like. In April we went to Hawaii for a week. In May he had work travel so he only took a long weekend to be with me and C. This month he had a week of travel that took him away from work, so he's not taking more time. I'm pushing him to block out weeks for July/August/September because if he doesn't protect the time he won't be able to take it...
We're starting solids on Saturday (because DH wants to be there when we do) - current plan is sweet potato, broccoli, avocado and pancakes. We're doing baby-led weaning so no purees. I've been having him sit at the table with me (in his portable high chair that attaches to the table) when he's awake and I'm eating lunch. And I set up his real high chair this morning and let him sit in it. He's been fascinated when we eat for at least a month - watches the fork go from plate to mouth - so I think he'll be really into it. I ordered long sleeve bibs on a friend's recommendation...
My joint pain has been improving, though I've screwed up my knee in some way and am currently doing physical therapy for it. My fingers are improving, but still (again?) painful - probably because the numbness has gone away. But I wake up with painful finger joints, which I'm not excited about. My physical therapist (for the knee) said she had the same problem during pregnancy and it took almost a year for it to go away. Joy.
I'm below my pre-IVF weight, and actually have to go shopping because all of my pants are too big. I'm skinnier than I'd like to be, actually. I just don't have a huge appetite, and I struggle even to stay hydrated enough. That, plus breastfeeding, means I'm continuing to lose weight. I'm upping the fat content in my diet to try to compensate - I'd like to not lose more weight. Still squishy in my lower belly, and it's obvious when I've eaten since my soft muscles don't hold my stomach in as well, but I've never had a flat belly.
Breastfeeding has been going really well. Overall, I'm really happy with how my body has handled pregnancy, recovery and breastfeeding - my only real complaint has been the joint issues. No stretch marks, no crazy hair loss,
When we sleep trained C, we sort of forgot to keep giving him a bottle every couple of days and he fell out of the habit. He's finally gotten back on it - I can hand him a bottle and he'll drink 1-2oz happily, as long as he's hungry. If he's not hungry he just chews on the nipple and then forgets to swallow, lol.
He's much more comfortable with tummy time, and clearly wants to crawl though he hasn't managed to coordinate it. He's lifting his whole chest now, but hasn't also lifted his bottom at the same time, and doesn't seem to understand his feet can help him get traction. He wiggles from back to side to back to get to toys, and usually sleeps on his side.
He's very vocal, but not really with word sounds. Recently he's trying coughing as a method of communication. (I have allergies so frequently cough to clear my throat in the early morning when I nurse him.) He'll cough to himself for 15-20 minutes sometimes. I suspect he's also doing it because it gets our attention, since we make sure he's not coughing for a legitimate reason, so we're trying to ignore it.
It's very easy to make him laugh, although I have to keep coming up with novel approaches, since what worked yesterday usually doesn't work as well today.
I emailed my RE last night to inquire about timing for a FET this fall. I'd like to breastfeed until 9 months, which would be mid-September, and I need to know how long between weaning and starting the FET. In the meantime I've donated about 300oz of breastmilk to my local milk bank. Now that I have an empty freezer, I can start building a stash for when I wean - ideally I'd be able to get him those last 3 months using a freezer stash but I think that's probably going to be challenging.
I'm pretty calm about starting up FETs. Because we have known-normal embryos, and we know how to control my immune system, I'm not anxious. It may still take more than one transfer, as it did to get pregnant with C, but I don't have the uncertainty that I did before. We have a lot of embryos so chances are very good we'll be able to give C at least one sibling. Infertility is still something I talk about a lot. Frequently when talking with people about C, I mention that it took us a long time and a lot of help to have him (this is not uncommon in a lot of my circles, so I get knowing looks and nods all the time). I just turned 38, so I'll be at least 39 when we have our next child.
Sorry for the meandering post and brain dump - it's been a long time since I've blogged, so there's a lot to record. I've always used this space as a journal of my experience rather than a place to wrestle with issues. I do have a post in the works about all the egg donor/ART children's books I've acquired and which ones I like/don't like, so will try to get that one out sooner rather than later.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
3 months!
C turned 3 months on Monday - how time flies!
I've been a terrible blogger, but I'm trying to stay at least a little present on twitter.
C is doing great. He continues to be 50% percentile on weight, 70% on length and 97% on head. He's almost 14 pounds, based on the oh-so-scientific-home-scale-with-and-without-baby method. He has a long torso, so he's in 6 month tops and one-piece pajamas, but still ok in many 0-3 pants. He's in cloth diapers (www.ittibittiusa.com or www.ittibitti.com.au for their main website) during the day and size 2 (soon to be size 3) disposables at night.
He's really vocal - trying out lots of sounds. Ah-goo and oo-ee are current favorites. And on Monday he giggled at DH for the first time (and at me the day after).
Sleep has been rough, though not unusually rough for babies this age from what I've read. I've gotten at least 5-6 hours of sleep every night since he was born, just not all in one stretch.
He was quite gassy from 5 weeks to about 8 weeks - enough that it would wake him up and he'd scream until he burped/tooted. Thankfully that's almost gone entirely at this point now that his digestive system is more developed.
We ended up hiring a night doula to help us 2-3 nights a week. She'd arrive at 10pm and leave at 6am, and helped us from 5 weeks to 12 weeks. I'd pump right before she arrived (if he wasn't awake), and could usually sleep through the night until about 5am when I'd feed him (she'd do a bottle for night feeds). For the last week she was helping us, I'd sleep until 6am when she'd bring him to me in bed.
Weeks 6-8 he was starting to sleep in his crib from 7pm to sometime between midnight and 2am, and would then feed every two hours, but I'd have to bring him to bed because I couldn't successfully settle him in bed. I never thought we'd co-sleep but it worked out reasonably well. Lighter sleep was still better than no sleep...
Then he had his 2 month shots, and his sleep patterns went to hell. He started waking around 10-11, and could sometimes be resettled in his crib until 12-2. (He's also had green poops since the shots, oddly.)
We planned on sleep training early, and based on our reading (my reading, really), 3 months seemed like a reasonable time to start given he wasn't having any issues other than not wanting to fall asleep in his crib. (We'd pick him up to calm him before resettling and he'd go right to sleep on our shoulder.)
So Monday, we started sleep training - happy 3 month birthday! We're mostly following Ferber. First day was rough - he cried through all of his nap attempts. And at bedtime he cried for 56 minutes, but then slept until 11pm and then resettled to about 1:30am when I fed him. Took awhile to get him down again, but he was down around 3am and then woke up at 6:15. Yay! And naps on Tuesday were all successful except for one, and he took 34 minutes to go to sleep at bedtime, and didn't wake until 1:15am (then slept 3am-5:50am). Wednesday every nap was successful, and all but one didn't require me to go back into the room to reassure him - one nap he even got back to sleep all on his own. And he slept from 6:50pm-1:50am, fed at 2am, and then slept another 3 hours, then another hour. So we're definitely making progress! I sleep so much better without him next to me - I'd get all sorts of weird kinks in my arm and shoulder. But I miss the baby snuggles - I figure once he's really good at falling asleep in his crib, an occasional nap together won't cause problems.
My recovery has been great. I was back at my pre-pregnancy weight 4 weeks after delivery (though not the same shape...) and I continue to pull more non-maternity pants out of storage and move them back into my closet. No stretch marks (thanks, Mom!) I had postpartum bleeding for 8 weeks, and was one of the unlucky 25% of nursing mothers to have a 6 week bleed - kinda scary, actually, since I was suddenly having fresh blood and cramps. When I called my ob on a Sunday to ask, he said 'oh yes, it's one of the most common reasons I get called postpartum'. Would have been nice to have some warning that it was possible... My fingers are still painful, though they're slowly improving, as are my ankles/knees. It's weird - there are patches that are numb to the touch, but pressure/strain can be very painful. But I'm seeing slow improvement, and my ob did tell me it could take months to go away entirely. We had se.x for the first time about 7 weeks postpartum, and it wasn't entirely comfortable, but was ok. (My se.x drive came back a few weeks earlier than that, which helpful.) It's gotten better since, though not quite back to normal (and TMI - I have a teeny bit of bleeding each time, I think from where I had a minor tear/stitches). Breastfeeding continues to go well - I'm so thankful knowing how common it is to have problems.
The placenta encapsulation was such a lifesaver. When I stopped the pills after taking them 3x a day for 2 weeks, both I and DH noticed a difference. So I kept taking 1 pill a day for a week or two, and then did it again here and there when I noticed myself being extra moody. I have a few left, and haven't taken any in about a month.
I'm back to my pre-pregnancy ability to hike - kind of surprised I didn't have to work back up to hilly hikes, but it's been fine. I've tried a bunch of baby carriers, and currently prefer the Baby K'tan, now that I can use the hug hold instead of the kangaroo hold.
I realized a few days ago he's halfway to starting to eat (or at least mess with) real food - crazy!
I regularly get comments about how much he looks like me, which I find entertaining. We did choose a donor who resembled me. But apart from those sorts of comments, I really don't think about his donor conception very much. Early on, my mom brought it up a bunch (to the point where I was going to have to say something to her soon) but then she started comparing him to me. She hasn't literally forgotten, but for all practical purposes she's forgotten. :)
I'm completely in love with C - he's gorgeous, and so cheerful when he's well rested. He's very intent - really focused on things and absorbs them, and stubborn and smart. Around 2 months he started social smiling, and very early on would grin at us to make us smile. So fun! And now the giggles are great.
I'm so lucky.
I've been a terrible blogger, but I'm trying to stay at least a little present on twitter.
C is doing great. He continues to be 50% percentile on weight, 70% on length and 97% on head. He's almost 14 pounds, based on the oh-so-scientific-home-scale-with-and-without-baby method. He has a long torso, so he's in 6 month tops and one-piece pajamas, but still ok in many 0-3 pants. He's in cloth diapers (www.ittibittiusa.com or www.ittibitti.com.au for their main website) during the day and size 2 (soon to be size 3) disposables at night.
He's really vocal - trying out lots of sounds. Ah-goo and oo-ee are current favorites. And on Monday he giggled at DH for the first time (and at me the day after).
Sleep has been rough, though not unusually rough for babies this age from what I've read. I've gotten at least 5-6 hours of sleep every night since he was born, just not all in one stretch.
He was quite gassy from 5 weeks to about 8 weeks - enough that it would wake him up and he'd scream until he burped/tooted. Thankfully that's almost gone entirely at this point now that his digestive system is more developed.
We ended up hiring a night doula to help us 2-3 nights a week. She'd arrive at 10pm and leave at 6am, and helped us from 5 weeks to 12 weeks. I'd pump right before she arrived (if he wasn't awake), and could usually sleep through the night until about 5am when I'd feed him (she'd do a bottle for night feeds). For the last week she was helping us, I'd sleep until 6am when she'd bring him to me in bed.
Weeks 6-8 he was starting to sleep in his crib from 7pm to sometime between midnight and 2am, and would then feed every two hours, but I'd have to bring him to bed because I couldn't successfully settle him in bed. I never thought we'd co-sleep but it worked out reasonably well. Lighter sleep was still better than no sleep...
Then he had his 2 month shots, and his sleep patterns went to hell. He started waking around 10-11, and could sometimes be resettled in his crib until 12-2. (He's also had green poops since the shots, oddly.)
We planned on sleep training early, and based on our reading (my reading, really), 3 months seemed like a reasonable time to start given he wasn't having any issues other than not wanting to fall asleep in his crib. (We'd pick him up to calm him before resettling and he'd go right to sleep on our shoulder.)
So Monday, we started sleep training - happy 3 month birthday! We're mostly following Ferber. First day was rough - he cried through all of his nap attempts. And at bedtime he cried for 56 minutes, but then slept until 11pm and then resettled to about 1:30am when I fed him. Took awhile to get him down again, but he was down around 3am and then woke up at 6:15. Yay! And naps on Tuesday were all successful except for one, and he took 34 minutes to go to sleep at bedtime, and didn't wake until 1:15am (then slept 3am-5:50am). Wednesday every nap was successful, and all but one didn't require me to go back into the room to reassure him - one nap he even got back to sleep all on his own. And he slept from 6:50pm-1:50am, fed at 2am, and then slept another 3 hours, then another hour. So we're definitely making progress! I sleep so much better without him next to me - I'd get all sorts of weird kinks in my arm and shoulder. But I miss the baby snuggles - I figure once he's really good at falling asleep in his crib, an occasional nap together won't cause problems.
My recovery has been great. I was back at my pre-pregnancy weight 4 weeks after delivery (though not the same shape...) and I continue to pull more non-maternity pants out of storage and move them back into my closet. No stretch marks (thanks, Mom!) I had postpartum bleeding for 8 weeks, and was one of the unlucky 25% of nursing mothers to have a 6 week bleed - kinda scary, actually, since I was suddenly having fresh blood and cramps. When I called my ob on a Sunday to ask, he said 'oh yes, it's one of the most common reasons I get called postpartum'. Would have been nice to have some warning that it was possible... My fingers are still painful, though they're slowly improving, as are my ankles/knees. It's weird - there are patches that are numb to the touch, but pressure/strain can be very painful. But I'm seeing slow improvement, and my ob did tell me it could take months to go away entirely. We had se.x for the first time about 7 weeks postpartum, and it wasn't entirely comfortable, but was ok. (My se.x drive came back a few weeks earlier than that, which helpful.) It's gotten better since, though not quite back to normal (and TMI - I have a teeny bit of bleeding each time, I think from where I had a minor tear/stitches). Breastfeeding continues to go well - I'm so thankful knowing how common it is to have problems.
The placenta encapsulation was such a lifesaver. When I stopped the pills after taking them 3x a day for 2 weeks, both I and DH noticed a difference. So I kept taking 1 pill a day for a week or two, and then did it again here and there when I noticed myself being extra moody. I have a few left, and haven't taken any in about a month.
I'm back to my pre-pregnancy ability to hike - kind of surprised I didn't have to work back up to hilly hikes, but it's been fine. I've tried a bunch of baby carriers, and currently prefer the Baby K'tan, now that I can use the hug hold instead of the kangaroo hold.
I realized a few days ago he's halfway to starting to eat (or at least mess with) real food - crazy!
DH is taking a week of paternity leave every month, which is great. He went back to work 2.5 weeks after C was born, which was earlier than we would have liked, but January was a busy month for him. He's off this week while we sleep train - not a coincidence. :)
I regularly get comments about how much he looks like me, which I find entertaining. We did choose a donor who resembled me. But apart from those sorts of comments, I really don't think about his donor conception very much. Early on, my mom brought it up a bunch (to the point where I was going to have to say something to her soon) but then she started comparing him to me. She hasn't literally forgotten, but for all practical purposes she's forgotten. :)
I'm completely in love with C - he's gorgeous, and so cheerful when he's well rested. He's very intent - really focused on things and absorbs them, and stubborn and smart. Around 2 months he started social smiling, and very early on would grin at us to make us smile. So fun! And now the giggles are great.
I'm so lucky.
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