Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Bereft

The ultrasound yesterday was not good. The tsunami of clots on Sunday apparently swept away the gestational sac as well. The hematoma is gone, but there's no visible sac and no visible heartbeat. I go back in tomorrow to confirm, but I have zero expectation of a surprise.

I feel so betrayed by my body. There's nothing we could have done to prevent this miscarriage - no treatment to avoid or manage sub chorionic hematomas.

With our first two miscarriages, it was a chromosomal abnormality that meant the embryo just stopped progressing, and those embryos could never have been babies.

This embryo was a perfect little girl. If my body had done its job properly, she would have, in all likelihood, been another fabulous child like C.

I was sad yesterday but not all that surprised. Sunday was horrific, so it's not surprising she couldn't survive it.

DH is devastated. As he says, we'll always wonder what she would have been like.

13 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs!

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  2. Oh god I'm so sorry. You are right, a chromosomal abnormality would have been easier to digest; this feels so wrong and random. Effin universe.

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  3. I am so sorry. This is so heartbreaking.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear about this! Sending you hugs!

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  5. I am so incredibly sorry. Sending love and hugs.

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  6. I read your comment on my blog first thing this morning and immediately came here. My heart is breaking for you and your family. I had hoped with all my might that this would have a happy ending. Thinking of you and so appreciative of the support you've given me.

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  7. I am so very sorry. That wondering about her hurts so very much. I am so sorry.

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  8. I saw the heading and my heart stopped. I'm so sorry. Sending hugs.

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  9. Thinking of you and hoping you've been able to heal a bit.

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  10. Oh my gosh. I just found your blog and this just broke my heart. I'm so sorry for the terrible news. Saying a prayer for you and thinking about you.

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