Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Not only lightning strikes twice

I thought only lightning strikes twice. I was wrong.

Yesterday afternoon I had what felt like a tummyache. I went to the bathroom and felt constipated, and when I wiped, there was fresh blood. I rested on the couch and called my husband to come home from work early so he could take care of C and put him to bed. Over the course of the next few hours I passed blood and clots - probably about 4 tablespoons worth. It was frighteningly similar to the bleeding in the fall, and we were pretty sure we knew how this would end.

Woke up this morning and didn't have any bleeding, but still felt crampy. I had about 5% hope that the bleeding all came from my cervix, since I'd had the good ultrasound last Thursday that showed no signs of a bleed. Went in for an ultrasound this morning, and it's clear the pregnancy is over. It looks like there's a lot of blood and clots still to come, but there's no visible gestational sac. No hematomas, though (which we believe to be the cause of the bleeding and miscarriage in the fall).

Our last girl, gone, in a blink of an eye. We're devastated. We were so joyful and optimistic about this pregnancy, and this happened out of nowhere. DH isn't sure he wants to continue trying to add to our family. I definitely understand where he's coming from - it's not the right time to make any decisions about this, but we have C, and it's so so painful to deal with loss after loss, when we've done everything we can to make sure all possible variables have been removed.

The universe sucks.

13 comments:

  1. Oh no! I'm so sorry sending you a big hug.

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  2. I am really sorry. I had such high hopes for you. Such devastating news.

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  3. Oh god I'm so very sorry. This is heartbreaking, and the all other things aside, I cringe at the trauma you face with every loss. Thinking of you, and your baby girl.

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that your family recovers well from this loss and gain the strength and courage to try again. Wishing you all the best. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  5. This is the worst...and you should not have to be dealing with this. Keeping your and your family in my thoughts.

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  6. I'm sorry you and DH are losing your baby girl. Such terrible news. Sending you hugs.

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  7. I'm so very sorry to hear this! Hugs!

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  8. I know there is nothing I can say that will make this better, but I am so very sorry.

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  9. Hi, Wanted to talk. How can I reach you? Shweta @CurePanel

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  10. So sorry to learn about this...I cannot imagine how difficult it is to miscarry. I am just about to try IVF for the first time. Only two days ago did I learn that based on my age - 37 - we only have a 20% chance of a pregnancy. Currently trying to decide if we should do fresh or frozen. Any tips> Here's my blog: http://megandewitt.blogspot.com/

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  11. Hi there! My name is Heather and I was hoping you could answer a question regarding your blog! Please email me at Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com :-)

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  12. Was thinking of you today. Hoping if you're cycling now that you've found some success!

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