And so we wait

Photo by Michael Gwyther-Jones

My period started yesterday. Early - 9 days post retrieval - but I think the one day of progesterone helped moved it along (we did the shot on Sunday night to prep for the Tuesday transfer-that-never-happened).

So I emailed the nurses at my clinic and asked if I should schedule a baseline ultrasound. And they relayed from the doctor that I had to have a natural cycle first. Would have been nice to know that as soon as the cycle failed. I mean, really... I know this was my second IVF cycle, but since the first one worked, I don't know how the clinic handles a failed cycle.

So we wait. My normal cycles are 32-33 days (long follicular phase, short luteal phase), so it'll be mid-September. The timing works out reasonably well, because I'm going to be traveling the week before and after Labor Day. And our follow-up consult is this Thursday, so we'll have a better ideal of what we'll tweak. But it means that the next IVF will be mid-late October, which seems so far away. *sigh*

Last night was the first time I've let myself think about the fact that we would have been more than halfway through our pregnancy if it had been viable. Tomorrow would have been 24 weeks. And I see so many of my blog and twitter friends celebrating 18 and 20 weeks, and I can't help resenting the unfairness of it all. I'm happy for them, and so glad they didn't have to go through what we've gone through. But it sucks for us. Thinking about when I was pregnant feels like looking through fog -- it's hazy and seems far away. And thinking about being pregnant again feels like a mirage; something that keeps moving away as we try to reach it.