We're done trying to use my eggs.
I just can't fathom going through the same motions, hoping for a different result. At about $13k a pop (drugs + retrieval + travel). And even with "better" results, the chance we'd end up with one good embryo at the end of the year is very slim. (1 out of 4 embryos, or 1 out of 3 blasts, are genetically normal at my age, so our odds are not good when we typically get 1-3 eggs per retrieval...) And if we get to the end of the year and have no good embryos, then we'd be 6 months behind in starting the donor egg path. We've been at this 4 years this month, and we are past ready to have kids.
I'm disappointed, of course,, but I've known this was likely for quite a while. I was really sad on Sunday night about losing my genetic contribution, but finding profiles I'm excited about goes a long way to reassure me.
I now have database access with all the egg donor agencies recommended by my last two clinics and spent some time over the past few days pulling profiles that looked interesting. Some even capture the things I feel I bring to the table genetically.
This weekend, my husband and I will go through the profiles I've collected and figure out which ones appeal to both of us.
For those interested, the things I'm looking for, in priority order, are:
1) Intelligence/academic performance
2) Interest/talent in the arts, preferably music
3) Attractive (totally subjective - my husband and I don't always agree!)
4) Brown hair
5) Looks like she could be related to me
6) 5'5"+
I know it takes awhile to process a donor, even after we choose one, so my guess is we'd be cycling in early October? Roccie? Lisa? What's your experience? We're obviously keen on getting started as fast as possible.
In other news, I had a great time meeting Jamie on Tuesday. We went to the Jelly Belly factory in Fairfield - it's in between where we live, so made for a fun place to meet up.
My husband and I started trying to have a baby in 2007. We ended up doing 5 rounds of IVF with our own eggs, miscarrying twice due to chromosomal abnormalities, and then moved to donor eggs. Our son was born in 2012. After two unexplained miscarriages trying for a sibling, we found a gestational surrogate, who carried our second son (2015) and our daughter (2018).
oh hun, this is such a tough decision and I'm sorry you had to make it. At the same time, I'm excited for you to get started on this next part of the journey that will bring you to your child
ReplyDeleteSending hugs.
I'm so glad to hear you are moving forward with a plan that feels good to you. You will be a most wonderful mother- and that baby will be the one you have been waiting for all this time. Cheering for you!
ReplyDeleteI know how u feel.. Only instead of eggs, we got donor sperm. It's a biiiiig decision and I wish u the best. You and the hubby will make a great choice =)
ReplyDeleteSorry you had to make this decision but so excited for you.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're coping with your decision really well. It took me a while to come to terms with egg donation but when you know it's your only real shot it makes it easier.
ReplyDeleteWe're just waiting to hear whether we need double donation. My DP will be gutted if we do but we'll get through it.
I think you're really sensible thinking clearly about what you want from your donor. I think that the most important thing is that the child feels like they belong and looks is an important part of that.
Wishing you all the best honey xx
I am so glad you are moving forward. Are you going back to vegas or staying with a local RE? I wish you peace on this new part of your journey. Here to hold your hand along the way.
ReplyDeleteI wish this journey could be easier for you. I am thinking of you as you start along the DE path and I'm with you all the way!
ReplyDeleteI'm sad to hear this for you, but glad that you feel comfortable making a decision that will bring you that much closer to being parents. Good luck with going through all of the profiles.
ReplyDeleteReaching this decision must have been difficult for you but I'm glad that you had the strength to take those next steps.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. It is a hard decision to make. I wish you the best. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on making a decision. I know this is tough, but now you can move forward with your new venture! I'm very excited to hear how it all goes!
ReplyDeleteso happy to hear that you have a plan :) i will be cheering you on! and am here if you need anything xoxo
ReplyDeleteBravegirl...soo been where you are. As I revel in the madness and euphoria of caring for a newborn I can first attest that genetics become lesser of a factor as time goes on. Now that you have made your decision your will second, triple and quadruple guess your opinion up to infinity. Picking out a donor is tough, having her cycle with her eggs is tough even at times realizing you are pg via DE is tough (altough that gets easy)...but the minute you see that embryo's hb on the u/s screen for the first time...for me it all vanished...the grief that is. All the mixed emotions you will feel...that's grief. And there will be days it kicks you in the shins hard and other times not so much. But its a process. But I can only hope that DE is your miracle...LN10 is my miracle. He was put on this earth just for me and me alone. And I am SOOOOO excited to be there for you in your many ups and downs along the way. Congrats on your decision...
ReplyDeleteBravegirl, me and my husband are right where you are now. I to only produce small amounts of eggs during cycles and just couldn't put myself through the disappointment again....I wanted to see something good. There are good and bad days and Lisa is right I have second guessed myself a lot but its time to try something else so our dream can be met. Our poor souls can only take so much. Good luck with everything! Where all cheering for you guys!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on making a tough, tough decision, that's a HUGE step. Glad you are moving forward on a path that will most likely lead to a baby in the shortest amount of time...you've been at this for a long time...
ReplyDeleteGood luck deciding on a donor...
Hugs...
IMO, having a plan is more than half the battle. Good for you for thinking this through and knowing what path to take.
ReplyDeleteYour facts are compelling. I didnt recall the one about the details about the normal:abnormal ratio. It really just starts to nail it all down in the end. I hope you can feel the peace begin to settle in quickly. It takes a bit to lock in on the station, but once you do it everything falls into place. Four years is a terrifyingly long time to try.
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of being banned from your site.... may I pose a question for you to consider? Did your RE talk to you about the benefits of using a proven donor? I would be happy to share my RE's thoughts on the matter if you were interested. You might consider poking around on the issue.
Welcome to the club none of us wanted. Shit storms fade, my dear. You are on your way to being a momma to that Take Home Baby. Let us know how we can help you.
I got so nervous about dumping unsolicited advice, I forgot to answer your question.
ReplyDeleteTiming for me was looking 3 months out before a donor was available. Then the agency told me it typically takes at least 4 months to process paperwork.
Take heart, they processed me in a matter of wks. It all fell together for us. A donor suddenly became available and she was offered to us the very next month. My agency was CHAMP to stay on me and help move the process.
It is all up to the donor availability. I was prepared to wait on a donor to get the one I wanted. Just turned out lucky for me in the end this gal became available.
My answer doesnt help except maybe to let you know it all depends. Hopefully take some good comfort in the fact that 4+ mos became wks!
Love the Jelly Belly factory! Went in April while visiting friends. :-)
ReplyDeleteI had a great time with you, too, Crystal! Like we talked about, this is a hard decision to make. But I think you're approaching it the right way. You're amazing!
ReplyDelete*hugs*