For the past few days I've had this odd, surreal feeling when I think back to only two weeks ago. Could I really have been pregnant? Did the IVF really work? It feels so distant and unfamiliar -- or maybe it's that today feels so immediate and familiar, not being pregnant, after more than 2.5 years of trying. It's an weird feeling, like I've disassociated with the past two months...
Emotionally I'm doing well 98% of the time. Physically, the bleeding has almost stopped. We have our consult with the IVF doctor on June 8. We know it may take more than 1 IVF to get pregnant again. And we don't even know when the IVF cycle could start. But we can't wait to get going.
On the silver lining list, I'm doing a month at The Bar Method to get back into shape (I gained about 5 pounds between IVF meds and early pregnancy, but need some toning), and the month of no Heparin shots means the bruising is fading on my tummy. We're going to Napa for my birthday weekend (Memorial Day weekend), which we've done for the past few years, and we're looking forward to some great meals. (Unlike most people, we go to Napa for food, not wine, although we definitely enjoy wine too. I can't drink until November, though, because I'm on isoniazid.)
By the way, my friend Jamie (@wombwarrior) shared this great post from the American Fertility Association about infertility and pregnancy loss. Excellent read, and there will be a part 2.
Updated: Here's part 2 of that article about infertility and pregnancy loss.
My husband and I started trying to have a baby in 2007. We ended up doing 5 rounds of IVF with our own eggs, miscarrying twice due to chromosomal abnormalities, and then moved to donor eggs. Our son was born in 2012. After two unexplained miscarriages trying for a sibling, we found a gestational surrogate, who carried our second son (2015) and our daughter (2018).
I can't imagine the feelings you've had over the past bit, but just know that you're in my thoughts and I'm hoping you get to do your next round of IVF soon. *hug*
ReplyDeleteThe Napa trip sounds fun! I want to make it up there at some point just for the atmosphere alone. Have a great time!!! :-)
Feeling good 98% of the time is defintley a plus. I wish I felt good that much. I think I have a permnant smile on my face and have so much positive energy where you can never tell how I feel deep down inside. Can't wait to hear bout round 2. Ill be starting in July.
ReplyDeleteYour positivity is incredible to me lady! I am so scared of how I am going to react if this cycle doesn't work for me. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, but you seem to be coping so well. I really hope you do get to get started soon!
ReplyDeleteVery re-assuring hearing your thoughts and journey. Made me feel less alone.
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