Third time's the charm

We had our first ob ultrasound today (the first two were with our RE). We're 10w5d.

This one was a big deal. Not because of the ultrasound, per se, but because my ob was the doctor who did the scan in my first two pregnancies where we found out about the missed miscarriages. Those had actually been the second ultrasounds for those pregnancies, which is why we stuck with our RE for the first two this time.

I had no logical reason to be anxious about this ultrasound, but Pavlov works quickly, and two bad scans definitely gave me a bad connotation to an ultrasound with my ob (who I adore, and who took extremely good care of me, especially with my second miscarriage - I will call him Dr. R).

I was queasy this morning, as I often am when I wake up (since it's been hours since I ate), but eating didn't help this time. My husband and I drove separately to the doctor's office, since he needed to go to work afterwards, and my heart was racing. We got there about 5 minutes early for a 9am appointment, and realized that he was in the office next to his old office. I was happy for a new environment, and the offices are much nicer.

We didn't get called in until about 9:20, which felt like a very long 20 minutes to wait. Our appointment was actually with his nurse practitioner, since he's so hard to schedule with, but I'd traded email with him beforehand and he would come in to do the scan. I hadn't met his NP before, and I burst into tears as soon as she walked into the room. I had to explain that it wasn't because I actually had anything to worry about, just that prior history was making me scared. She got it (and I really liked her). About 10 minutes later he came in and did the scan - my first abdominal scan! It made for a slightly less clear image, but it was still easy to see our little guy, and he almost immediately did a giant wiggle. Dr. R let us hear the heartbeat (first time - at our RE's we'd just seen it), which was great. He took a measurement (within range, a day or two smaller than our due date would suggest, but the measurement is pretty imprecise with the lower quality image), and then the scan was done!

We went through a bunch of pregnancy stuff with the NP, all of which I knew but my husband didn't, and they gave me lab orders for their OB panel (most of which I've already done for IVF, but it was just easier to do the whole panel than to pick and choose the ones I haven't done recently), and for the first trimester screening (as part of the NT scan process). Tomorrow I'll call and schedule our NT scan, which technically we could skip since we did CGH, but hey, it's another chance to get an ultrasound! (I was amused that the reason for the NT scan that's checked on the form is 'advanced maternal age', even though my ob knows we used donor eggs.)

All this time, the only family member who knows we're pregnant is my husband's sister. We're telling my family on Saturday night, at my (slightly late) birthday dinner, and my husband's mom is visiting us from out of town starting next Thursday, so we'll tell her then. My husband's dad will get a phone call this weekend to confirm (he kinda knows, for some reasons that aren't relevant on this blog. :)

It's hard to believe that it's really happening!

A twitchy gummi bear

That's what my husband said after our ultrasound on Friday: "omg, there's a twitchy gummi bear in there!"

(sorry for the posting delay - we went away for the weekend after our appointment on Friday.)

We were 8w6d for the appointment on Friday. He's grown a bunch - about 3/4" long, all four limbs visible, and every 90 seconds when he wakes up, he twitches. So very cool - and unexpected: we've never had a good second ultrasound so we didn't realize we'd see movement already. Heartbeat is 177bpm and he's measuring exactly on target.

So relieved. Of course immediately after the appointment I fall back into that weird, abstract world where the fact that I'm pregnant seems hard to believe since there's no real external validation. My symptoms are minor - primarily that I feel queasy if I don't eat every 2 hours. I'm finally sleeping better, which is awesome, and at least partly due to the improvement in my allergies.

(incidentally I went to visit my doc to ask about allergy meds, and told her I occasionally used but dislike my netipot. She recommended trying the Neilmed nasal rinse system which I have to admit is much easier and less like water boarding yourself. I use it in the shower and it rinses all the gunk out.)

Next appointment is with my ob, on May 31. We deliberately did our first two ultrasounds with the RE because the second ultrasound was the bad one for our first two pregnancies, and we wanted to change things up this time around. :) but I've traded email with my
Ob and he's super excited for us.

My tummy has been getting smaller as I wean off the dexamethasone (only one more tiny dose on Wednesday) which is ironic. I look less pregnant now, but it should make it easier to tell when my belly starts growing.

And Saturday will mark the end of the IM shots of progesterone and estradiol valerate. Very exciting! Lovenox continues to 6/9 along w suppositories.

Sending love out there to those who need it. There are a lot of pregnant ladies out there but also some sad setbacks, and you're all in my thoughts.

An Unexpected Gift

I touched on this subject a few weeks ago, but it's been in my mind, so here's a whole new post...

I'm so thankful we used donor eggs. It's such an amazing gift for one woman to give her eggs to another. But that's not the unexpected part.

The unexpected gift is the freedom from anxiety that we experience in our second pregnancy.

(Recap for those of you who haven't been following since 2010: first pregnancy in March 2010 ended in miscarriage at 9 weeks due to chromosomal abnormalities which shocked and devastated us; second pregnancy in November 2010 ended in miscarriage at 8 weeks due to chromosomal abnormalities, which we were sorta anticipating, given the problems with the first pregnancy, but still devastated us.)

Using donor eggs (and, more importantly, CGH-testing them) has freed us from that anxiety. It reset our expectations and has given us every reason to believe this will be a normal pregnancy. I know there's all sorts of things that can go wrong, but they're not top of mind, and they don't cause us stress.

The second pregnancy we were full of trepidation. We knew, intimately, how badly things could go, and so we were really reserved and cautious every step of the way.

This pregnancy, we've let go of all that. We know (to the best of modern science's ability to tell us) that we won't have a miscarriage due to chromosomal factors. And after seeing the strong heartbeat and perfect sizing last week, our RE says there's a 96%+ chance of making it to term, ignoring the CGH results.

An important lesson for us came from our first pregnancy. We had told our immediate families as soon as we found out we were pregnant. And we hosted Easter dinner, with all of them. My husband says it was the happiest day of his life. And he lamented that, after the miscarriage. But I told him the miscarriage did nothing to change that day. That we have to live in the moment because not embracing the happy and joyful times doesn't do anything to prevent the sad times. And that if we hadn't embraced that first pregnancy, he wouldn't have that wonderful memory of Easter.

So we're fully embracing this pregnancy. I'm occasionally anxious, but I think it's not far off the 'occasionally anxious' that any pregnant woman has. We're not telling anyone until right around 12 weeks (the timing works out that we'll be seeing all of our family between 11 and 12 weeks, so we can tell them in person) - and that is a leftover from previous pregnancies. But we know how we'll be telling them, and we've talked about all sorts of date-related pregnancy stuff.

I'm so thankful to be 8 weeks pregnant today.

Perfect

Our ultrasound today went perfectly. We're 6w6d so it was easy to find. Instantly saw a strong heartbeat (141bpm). Measuring exactly on target size wise (9.2mm).

We go back in two weeks for another ultrasound then will switch to my ob.

Oh, and beta on Wednesday was 20,085. :)

So relieved and happy. I managed not to be anxious until about 15 minutes before our appointment. :)