Friday, September 9, 2011


We met our donor today.

I don't think I've mentioned here that this would be part of our process. The FDA requires donations to be open donations in certain situations; in our case it's because our donor was born abroad.

We wouldn't have chosen an open donation, and it turns out the donor wouldn't have either, but we were all willing.

I'm glad I met her.

She looks like she could be my sister. We have very similar coloring and build. She's prettier than in her (pretty) profile photos.

She was quite reserved. It's clear that while her desire to donate comes from a charitable place, the relationship is a transactional one. But there were a few moments where she became more energetic -- all around things (likes/dislikes, personality traits) that we have in common. She didn't have any questions for us, we had a few for her. And I told her a few anecdotes about us, and about IVF, which hopefully were helpful.

It's funny, beforehand I wouldn't have said I wanted any sort of ongoing relationship, but having met her I would have been willing to do that if she had wanted it. Which she doesn't. I'm fine with that, it was just interesting to find her an appealing person.

As the therapist who did our psych consult pointed out, it will be a better story for our child(ren) that we've met our donor. And it was hugely reassuring to feel like she was well represented on paper, since there's an enormous leap of faith you take when making a decision based on an entry in a donor database.

This afternoon she has her medical screening appointment, and it'll take up to 2-3 weeks for all the bloodwork to come back. In the meantime, assuming her ultrasound looks good, she'll go on birth control so we sync up cycle-wise, and then hopefully in late September she'll start stims.

In case anyone is facing a similar requirement, the agency required a 3rd party to be present, so the woman who handled our donor contract facilitated, which mostly meant sitting in the room and occasionally asking curious questions.

One more hurdle overcome!


  1. What a nice meeting. I can understand the apprehension on both parts, but its certainly nice when things work out better than anticipated. Hooray for getting over that hurdle!

  2. I am so glad it went well. You are braver(is that a word?) than I am. I don't think I could be brave enough to meet our donor. I am glad it all worked out. Hope everything continues to go smoothly.

  3. I think its really neat that you got to meet her! I can't believe she'll allready be startign stims this month! Are you still working with Dr. Sher?

  4. This is great that you got to meet your donor, although I'm sure very weird! So very exciting that all these steps are taking place - you're getting closer!

  5. So very glad you had this opportunity BravingIVF. I sometimes wish I had that opportunity. Take care!

  6. wow, this is so interesting. I think you counselor is right about it being something nice to tell your child one day.
    I do hope you can start soon and can continue to process your feelings about this meeting. I think so few people get this kind of opportunity.

  7. Woohoo! I'm so glad it went well!! It's great that you clicked with her! I'm so excited for you guys!

  8. I am so glad to hear it went well! I would have been a little, I guess terrified! It really does make a nice story to tell the child/ren some day.

    What are your agreements after the child/ren reaches 18? Will you likely see her again?

  9. Wow, what an experience that must have been. I'm so glad things went well, and she's similar to you. I had no idea it was mandatory to meet in person. In this case, I think it was definitely beneficial for you both!

  10. Glad that she was a nice lady. Is she going to be a frozen egg donor?